Best Friends

This past week I took my annual trip to spend some girl time away from my house. The Girl trip. I traveled with a friend from here where I live, and we met up with two of my friends from college who live in Dallas, Texas. There is a scrapbook convention in Arlington that we use as an excuse to get together & let our hair down. It really started as the main reason we went once a year. As time has gone on though, I notice we get less & less pages done.

We have a lot in common with each other that keeps us connected in many other ways besides our hobbies. Two of the four of us, have policemen for husbands. It's not an easy job being the worrier or the parent that's home during the regular hours of the day. Two of us have children that have some special needs. We get what it's like to have your kid not understood by people. Three of us went to college together and all four of us attend the same denomination of church. We have many connections and even though we have seperate lives and families, we always make the time for each other, this one time a year.

Our husbands and families take off work and time out of their own lives, to help us go have a good time. It's an important time for us all. Sometimes we think we can't make the time, the money (gas ain't cheap folks!) or get in the right frame of mind to relax & enjoy it. But we always do. It doesn't take long till we're smiling constantly, laughing till we ache and really hating how time moves so swiftly. Anyone begruding a mother a good time away from her family for an extended period, listen up. If that woman that folds your laundry, fixes you food and cleans up your children accidents doesn't get time away, she can't appreciate you all. She also can't stay sane. It's a proven fact. That woman will take cranky to a degree you didn't know it could see if you don't let her take some time that is purely for herself.

That means no picking up your dry cleaning on the way home, only call if you HAVE to ask her something and please do NOT ask her when she's coming back home. That will only drive her to stay away longer. There's being missed, and then there's breathing room. Let her have her space. Let her live again--like before she had children and responsibilities.
That's the whole point of our trip. We do NOT cut anyone's food up, we do NOT dress anyone but ourselves and we do NOT go to the bathroom with anyone else in the room either. I bet this is sounding very appealing to some of you out there.

My friends & I had a great time. We ate out at many places, shopped till our legs were so tired we had to sit down. Took many silly pictures, and we just had a really good time. We shared toothpaste, makeup, hairbrushes and even shoes. We stay up late talking about old times, old friends or just silly times we never told each other about before. Our topics rarely turn towards children or husbands. We try very hard to not talk about the responsibility "stuff" in our everyday lives. There's plenty of that during the year. It's all about us doing things we don't normally get to do for ourselves, saying things we don't normally get to say out loud, being around people our own age longer than normal and spending money on things that only matter to us. Together like this, we get silly, we say hilarious things to make the others laugh out loud, maybe even snort a drink out their nose and we are NEVER on our best behavior. In fact, the waiters usually think we've been drinking because we laugh so much & have so many crazy stories to explain our behavior.

What I treasured most this year was I didn't have to scarf down my food in a wolfish manner to try and keep up with when son#2 would be done eating. I didn't wipe anyone's butt other than my own and no one stuck their hand under the door while I was in the bathroom. Although, there was a camera that tried to worm it's way into my dressing room at the mall. When you're a mommy there are reigns on you like a horse. When you get time away, truly away from responsibility, you can relax in a totally different way that allows the inner Girl a way out. There are many times in every day life when you tell that Girl inside no. The Girl is the one that wants the pretty things, nice clothes, time away or to just do what SHE wants that day instead of what HAS to be done. And she wants to say whatever she's thinking without worring about little listening ears. But because your children or your family needs to do something else with that money or that time, she is rarely given a leash of true freedom to come out & play. There are deadlines for work, soccer games and meals to plan, buy for and fix. Laundry always calls to be folded and somehow there are more commitments than you remember commiting to. That inner Girl remembers what it was like when she was younger and has so many fewer responsibilities. She steps up and does what she needs to do. If I told you of how much my friends I have to deal with in every day life, you just might not believe me. That's why it's so important to come together. We know with each other, maybe not any other people, we can totally be ourselves. Let it all hang out I guess you could say. Total acceptance of all flaws, mistakes and ramblings.

In life you mostly have different friends for different areas of your life that you might need them. And that's why this group of friends I meet up with are THE best. The best means, they can cover me in ANY of those life situations that come up, even if we haven't spoken in 3 months, and STILL be the person I have the most fun with.

The good times of this year, might last us till next year, but I'm thinking we're getting greedy and may need a 6 month fun trip. See? That Girl, she's not always easy to squash back down when you've let her out all bra-less and free. She has a hard time readjusting back to real life.

The End of the School Year

It's here! Finally the end of the school year has come. My children attend ESY (extended school year) which allows them to stay in their routine & there's also less regression when school starts back up again. And I'll be honest, while other moms are looking forward to sleeping in during the summer, I don't mind getting up early to see them off to school. It may just be half a day, but that's half a day of freedom and less whinning. And let's face it, even Martha Stewart would agree, less whinning is a "good thing".

The end of school brought home a lot of extra papers the teachers were cleaning out & of course home-made Mother's day gifts. My favorite I don't mind saying is long stemmed lillies made with a cutout of son#2's hand & green pipe cleaners. PRICELESS! I have them in a marble vase. They are precious. Son #1 made me something of clay. I must say I don't know what I'll do with it yet, so for now it's sits on the treadmill. It's a nest with A LOT of little eggs in it. So picture hardened clay shallow bowl, and lots of tiny balls of hard clay. I can guess since with clay & playdough there are sensory issues with my son, that this was his way of making something he had to, in a hurry. What's faster than a bowl & some little balls of clay? So, I guess I'll put it next to the other TWO I have from previous years. Pretty soon, I'll have to get a family of birds to sit in them so people know what they are & don't mistake them for ashtrays.

And for the last little chuckle, I thought I'd share son#1's journal entries for April & May since you all seemed to like them before.

If I went the desert I would see..... "some birds. I would see a lot of sand."

When I loose a tooth..."at the dentist the tooth fairy gets me a new Lego Star Wars game." (can you tell who has a loose tooth at our house??)

I use a computer for..."brainpop jr."

My favorite PE activity is..."scooters. They go fast."

I stay strong by eating..."cheese ritz. I also eat Yoplait."

The biggest thing I've ever seen is..."Arrowhead (his school). It has so many rooms."

I'd like to become famous for..."Lord Vader , from Star Wars."

The last time I cried was..."when there wasn't Lego Star Wars for Windows."

My favorite assemble at school this year was..."about the earth."

The librarian at my school..."showed how to make strawberry ice cream."

If I ever got lost..."I call 911."

If I could build a robot..."he will be like Moby . (on Brainpop Jr.)

An animal I know a lot about is..."a panda. Pandas are cute."

Rollercoasters are..."cool." (my son has NEVER been on a rollercoaster)

When I go to the dentist..."she looks in my mouth."

A fun outdoor activity is..."Jedi Academy." (computer game)

If I were one inch tall..."I would be like an ant."

I want to take a field trip to..."my getto." (Apparently someone's been watching MTV)

At the library I..."can read."

I don't scream whenever I see...(he added DON'T) "ants."

Now I have to go & shower. My kids are gone to school for half a day and after a full day with all three of them yesterday, I'm a mess. Half days are good, but it's sort of like the start of the crab fishing season on the tv show "Deadliest Catch". I have to hurry to meet my quota of things to get done before time runs out and they come home.

Heaven & How You Get There

Son #1 came home from school yesterday in a rather brooding mood. I could tell something was up but with the pitch of his voice I decided to tread lightly. He had a wrapped "present". I asked who this was for, after much protest & whinning I won't subject you to, he allowed me to put it up on top of the tv cabinet so the brothers couldn't get it. Then I sat down to try & figure out what he was thinking about to make him so quiet & frustrated. He sat at the computer not playing it, but staring off at the tv. But I could tell by his fixed stare, he wasn't really paying it any attention. I sat down across from him.

me: "What are you thinking about babe?"

son#1: "Well, I don't want to grow up and be old."

me: "Okay"

son#1: "When you're 80 years old you die."

me: "Some people live to be 90 & 100 years old too."

son#1: "They do?"

me: "Yep."

son#1: "Well, I'm NOT going to heaven."

me: "Okay, but in heaven you don't have to sleep or eat, you just play & you're with God."

son#1: "Well, I'm not going because Papa never came back from there."

me-quietly: "That's right, you don't come back."

son#1: "Well, I'm not going then. I'm going to stay with the Swaims forever." (pause) What happens when you die?"

me: "You mean to your body? After you die, we have a funeral for your body. But you have a spirit inside you that tells you right & wrong, and when you die that spirit goes to heaven to live with God."

son#1: "Well, I'm NOT going. (pause) When is he going to ask me if I want to go so I can tell him no?"

me (chuckle): "Well, he doesn't ask you like that. He asks you to be baptized, which is where you hold your nose & go under the water & come right back up. And he asks you to believe that Jesus was God's son.
See, God had a son, like you're my son. And God's son's name was Jesus. And Jesus died like Papa died. After he died, God took Jesus to live with him in heaven. One day Jesus will come back, then all the dead people will live again and he'll take us all to go be in heaven with God. So you'll see Papa then."

son#1: (processing) "Well, I think Papa misses being here and playing his Hoyle games."(computer games)

me: "I bet he does too baby. I bet he misses you like you miss him. (pause) You know how Matt is your daddy and I'm your mommy? Well, Papa was MY daddy. And I miss him very much too. So it's okay for you to miss him and be sad about that because I get sad too."

son#1: "Yeah. (pause for processing & recognition starts to dawn on him) So Nana is your mommy?"

me: "Yep."

son#1: "She not dead."

me: "Nope, she's not."

son#1 smiles "Yeah. (pause) Well I still think heaven is evil."

me (sigh): "No honey, that's hell. We'll talk about that a different day."


**I had no idea how many times we say "well"--so I apologize, but it is how son#1 starts most sentences.

A Peek Into Our World-Sensory Issues 101

WARNING! Technical Mumbo Jumbo Ahead! But you might learn something too. Enter at your own risk.

Son #2 had a meltdown a few weeks back & "chinned" the teachers desk at school, breaking off parts of his two front teeth. He has a nice upside V for a hole there now. I call him Bunnicula now. But with this injury & discomfort has come many, many meltdowns with son#2 lately. He's unpredictable and it's not pretty. There have been many, many time outs in his room. So with meltdowns come people who stare. And many people who don't understand. The world is filled with plenty of people who don't want to understand. But for those of you that do, and are curious what a little part of Autism FEELS like--I wrote this.

I attended a Sensory Integration seminar at the therapy place my kids go to. Some of it was stuff I knew, other parts were eye opening. I figured if they were illuminating to me, some of you in contact with anyone like my children, might benefit from my interruption so why not share some of the internal processing that goes on with kids on the Autism spectrum.

You have your five basic senses that we all learn in school. Then there are three HIDDEN senses. Kind of like your Spidey senses. However kids on the AS (Autism spectrum), don't have an easy time FEELING these things that are second nature to us. This is where we need Sensory Integration for them. And SI (sensory integration) are different therapies that help them register the sense or feeling.

Tactile discrimination is the first & the most primitive sense. Your hair on your body is able to help discriminate some things with this sense. Like when you get that tingle on the back of your neck? Another example is your ability to determine what is in your hand without looking. If you're blindfolded & someone puts a feather in your hand and a rock in the other hand. You're able to differentiate between the two & tell what they are by tactile discrimination. And you don't really remember anyone teaching you how to do that do you? That's why theses senses are considered hidden or innate.

Then there's vestibular sense which has a lot to do with your posture and balance. It's like having a protective system within you. It tells you which way is up, how your body is oriented in relation to up, how your body is moving in space and when to throw up. When you start to fall you put your hands out in front of you. We say it's instinct but really it's called vestibular sense.

The last hidden sense is called proprioception and has a lot to do with muscles and joints & the nerve endings in them that send the messages to the brain. This sense lets you know how heavy something is, how far down it is when you take a step and it is stimulated by gravity. When you get up all groggy in the morning & go to the cupboard to reach in for your coffee cup, you know how much force to use for picking up the weight of that cup. If you close your eyes and extend an arm out to the side and then to the front, there is a sensing of where the hand is located in space in relation to the body itself. Especially when the muscles of the hand are flexed. Try it. You sense/feel the arm more (eyes closed!) when your hand is in a fist. That's because you're stimulating nerves by making that fist.

The reason these senses are important is because SI (sensory integration) is the foundation of emotional regulation & learning. You want to know about Autism? Non-Verbal Autism? It's hard to get in their heads & tell you what's going on or how they feel, but this might enlighten you. We knew what it was, but now we know WHAT causes these meltdowns to happen to son#2.
Autism is a neurological problem in the brain. It's essentially roadblocks that don't allow communication & other basic fundamentals, things we don't even remember learning, to happen in a normal way. Because of this neuro/nerve problem, things are wired a tad differently inside of them. Where it's easy for us to use our hidden senses, theirs are either too heightened or to dull for them to get the messages their nerves are sensing. Therefore we have to stimulate them to FEEL & SENSE these things. These basic skills help our "neuro makeup" & underlying learning process to progress and react in a developed way.

Here is the best example of this I can use. When son#2 can't figure out how to communicate what he's wanting to one of us, or can't figure out how to tell us how he feels, he melts down. A meltdown is just the new word for tantrum. But you can imagine at 96lbs and 7 years old, there's more heft behind the kicking & screaming. Remember my post about the terrible two's? Those are manageable tantrums...when it goes to the extreme, we call it a meltdown. Scratching, flailing around, wailing and much gnashing of teeth. The severity of this is determined by several things. How badly he wants or needs "it" whatever it is at that moment. How tired he is, how hungry he is, how many times he has to take us to the place or item to get his point across, if we've said no and if he is due for his meds.
The medicine allows son#2 to reel back in the emotions and fervor and get it back together enough to function again. Sometimes he's too far gone & it takes an hour or more to get himself back together. Part of this is maturity. All kids learn this when transitioning from baby to child. Other parts are where an Autistic brain is different than our own. (thought I'd forgotten my point didn't you?) Son #2's brain, isn't processing the same information as ours when we're doing the exact same task. Because of his deficits in that area, it will interfere with the creation of ideas or connecting them together, and analytical thinking. Hence the non-verbal part.

When people say the Autism spectrum is wide ranged, they aren't kidding. No kid is exactly like another in the world, and Autistic kids get even more unique and personalized in their way of learning, communicating and finding their way in the world.
The perfect example of this uniqueness is son#1 is getting over stimulation to his sensory system. Whereas son#2 is not getting enough. Now this isn't true with EVERYTHING, but with most things, this is how they are integrating. Over & under. Yet, both are Autistic.
So son#2 feels better when he swings. This goes back to the point of vestibular sensing. It calms him because he isn't processing what he's sensing correctly. He isn't sure of what he's feeling. He's not sure of his body in the world. Sort of like an astronaut in space? So swinging stimulates the inner ear where gravity & our body are centered & gives son#2 extra stimulation to FEEL himself there. Other ways are weighted vests and blankets sort of like the x-ray apron they give you at the doctor's office. It's weighted & feels good to them. Like yoga, they feel centered & that allows them to feel calm. We like calm. You can learn better when you're calm.
Jumping is the best thing though. All those endorphins released by jumping & bouncing up against things. You feel alive & very happy. Or that's what their faces say to me.

So maybe I've given you a little peek into what it's like to be Autistic. Maybe you see now where some of the frustration comes from in those kids you see melting down. Doesn't always make it easy to deal with, but that kid at the store, may need more than that spankin you're thinking of. Would you feel that way if he was blind? Without certain senses I think there's an adjustment period where your body & your brain have to come to terms with each others abilities. This takes time and patience. And more importantly, there's a learning curve. Whether this Autistic Spectrum child is in your classroom, your church or is in your family--you are his classmate. His learning curve will effect you. Why not help him out? It'll help YOU out in the long run.

10 Years Old

I struggle with my oldest son turning ten years old yesterday. I'm not sure I know how this happened--it seems all of the sudden he's getting hair on his upper lip & legs. He doesn't want to sit on my lap or let me kiss him in public. It went slow in parts but sped up near the end here. When people tell you it goes faster the older you get, BELIEVE THEM.
The funniest thing is, he's in less of a hurry than I am for him to grow up.

Son #1 has been worrying about getting older. Last night he finally answered me when I asked why he didn't want to grow up & be older.
"Because then I'll die, and I don't want to die!" Aww! I had to explain that he won't die, and even if he did it would be a long time from now. I looked back at all the times during his interest in death in recent years, when we had consoled him by saying, "Everyone dies, but you won't die till you're old(er)." Mr. Literal took that to heart it seems. All month he's been saying, "I don't want to grow up & be a big boy!" or "I dont want to be ten, I want to go backwards & be eight years old!" My response? "Honey, I've tried that since I was 29 years old--doesn't work."

He had a great birthday, enjoyed money in the mail & from the bus drivers. (we do have the best here) So last night I took him to Wal-Mart to shop. We got Shrek 3, a "Bling Bling Lightning McQueen" car, and some Lego Clone Storm Troopers. (I bet I botched that last name up...)
All mommy had to contribute was $.27--not too shabby! We got him a Millienum Falcon with "crew" that were from the Galactic Hero sets & some more Lego Clone Troopers. Even the cake was Star Wars & strawberry as he requested, but he didn't partake. Maybe one day he'll eat his own birthday cake.

Son#1 had also been asking for a Wii controller for his birthday, I very nicely explained that wasn't what he was getting. Interestingly enough, I think he would have been happy with just the controller. Hubbo informs me in a household where I'm outranked 4 to 1 in sex, a game system is imminent or a birthright, I'm not sure which. He's just trying to decide between an XBox360 or a Wii. But I have my OWN system I plan to implement when that time comes though. I feel son#1 should earn his time to play video games. So I'm stealing an idea from a friend of placing time values on poker chips in 15 minute allotments. Then he can do chores like bringing me trash from the bathroom, help when we ask to bring us something, etc. And if the surly boy attitude insues that seems to have overtaken him the past year, he coughs up a chip/playing time. This ought to work. I'm very optimistic actually. Now, the big question is, will it work on Hubbo?

Signed-"Tired Of It" in Tulsa

I wrote this a couple of months back & let it sit in my drafts folder while I contemplated my wording. I emailed it off this morning after a couple of revisions. Hopefully I'm not the only one tired of seeing/hearing about dead kids in every news headline.



I start by saying I've been a huge fan of "XYZ News Channel" and your web site since 9/11. My husband and I became news hounds as much of America did then. We watched your whole evening line-up of shows and felt that we got to know the very personable hosts you have for each news piece or segment. Over the years, we've grown attached to and worried for A. Kelly, B. Leventhal and C. Harrigan out in the field. Each show has it's own flavor & we've appreciated what each host brings to the table. We consider "XYZ News" hard hitting and a high caliber of honest journalists.

I've also appreciated how you don't assume your viewers are ignorant and don't talk down to us. No matter how many people doubt it, we do believe you let us, the people at home, decide for ourselves once you present the facts. We've also been fans of the web site. I've had it as my homepage on my computer for years now. I check it several times a day & update my husband at work where there's "breaking news". I didn't really care for the last change of the appearance on the web page, but I remained a fan & kept with it even though I felt it was harder to navigate & follow.

However, I tell you this to let you know now I am finding a huge disappointment in your web site lately. The past 8 months or so I've noticed the main headlines at the top that greet me every morning are not pleasing. I realize the real world is full of displeasing people and things. It's not all unicorns & rainbows out there. But to have the story or headlines I see every morning to be about children dying in our country at the hands of their parents has me sickened and fed up.

Most recently when I logged on, I've seen someone has murdered their three month old baby & then thrown him and his carseat from their car on the highway. And there is this beautiful baby's picture large as life staring at me next to the headline. Or very recently the toddler beaten to death with the video game controller. While I am saddened by the deaths of celebrities, athletes and people who've touched our country's history that are reported, I can accept their deaths much easier. Maybe some of us being mothers we are affected more deeply by those horrific things. But I honestly believe, no one wants to hear any more about these cases so prominently and so very often in our daily news. My friends and I have talked about it, my husband has agreed. It's not necessary.

I really believe now after seeing so many, that the attention these heinous crimes receive, breeds more. I'm asking you to please not tell me at the top of your web page, so boldly displayed, about the mother who microwaved her baby. Don't show me pictures of what a sweet baby he was. I can't take any more. I no longer need to be told about the sex crimes and hate, touching the children of the world EVERY morning with my coffee or while I eat my dinner. Your headlines alone chill me sometimes. They can effect ones mood for the next hour or sicken you from taking that next bite of food. Just reading the words stays with me like pictures from an accident you wish you'd never seen.

I'm asking you to at least highlight these terrible stories in a certain color and relocate them down the page so when my eyes skim your headlines, I can choose not to read the words. With television, you can change the channel or mute it. With Internet though, it's different. Please do something where I don't have to know the horrific details to each & every crime to a child in this country. Otherwise, I'm afraid I'll be forced to find a new homepage for my browser.

~A Sincere Fan, But Tired Of It
Tulsa, Oklahoma

The Yellow Brick Road

I recently got an email for my 15th year, high school reunion that will be held in my hometown this summer. I've never gone to one of my high school reunions. I've really tried to think back to why I haven't cared to go or participate and I think going away to college and hardly coming home, had a lot to do with it. The distance probably grew greater each year. Then my parents moved to Oklahoma and after college, Hubbo and I followed. We felt it only fair since I had their only grandchild. So here I am finding myself in Oklahoma, not having been back to Joplin, Missouri since 1999. I went back then, for one of my best friend's nursing school graduations. Getting the invitation to the class reunion I noticed the contact people were some old friends. It was nice to get in touch & catch up with everyone via email & phone calls but I did decide that wasn't going to be enough. I was really beginning to wonder how different it was or wasn't and what it looked like now. Saturday I took off for the day, to see old friends and old familiar places.

My first throw back memory was passing the town of Vinita on the highway. They have an interesting rest stop there I used to make my parents stop at each time we went through. Not many kids can say they've been to the McDonalds in the sky. With all glass on both sides, you can eat while watching the cars go by on the highway below. What kid wouldn't think that was a cool thing?

The trip didn't take as long as I remembered as a kid either. Even with construction I was making pretty good time. I did notice a lot of Illinois license plates out on the highway though. Now, I'm gonna assume you don't know where Joplin is, so I'll tell you-it's in the southwest corner. They call it the "Four State Area" down there because its where Kansas, Missouri, Oklahoma & Arkansas all meet & touch.

I was enjoying the view even though it was overcast until I realized I might possibly be going a little too leisurely. I saw two white-haired women with a folded up walker in the back window of their car, pass me and two semi trucks. And you know how you usually catch up with a car like that eventually & feel justified that you were not in fact going slow, they were just in some big hurry to get to the same stop light you're going to? Yeah, didn't happen. They smoked me & I never saw them again.

Once in Joplin, I met up with old friends. We laughed till we cried, we talked about anyone & everyone that we could remember and we ate at wonderful places with great food and atmosphere. It was fabulous to see "home" again and surprising to see what had changed. All the places I figured were gone & closed, were still there. And that was more shocking than the expected progress of the main strip of restaurants, the mall and stores. I never noticed we have a church on almost every corner, and I'm pretty sure there were not that many tattoo parlors when I was growing up. Joplin seemed more populated or at the least more vehicles & lanes of traffic to get stuck in.

I got to drop by my friends parents house & say hi. Although her mother tried to coerce us into our usual duet at the piano, I assured her my large lunch wasn't having any. It was striking to see how their house had changed, but the bathroom we got ready in to go many places, still held that note of hairspray in the air which was touching.

I was really disappointed that so much on Main street was let go, but that at least no one had bulldozed it yet. Spaghetti Red's was still there & open for business as well as the Pearl Brother's Tru-Value hardware store downtown. For some reason, those things made me happy. A little touch of Mayberry I guess. My house I grew up in got the award for most changed. A white church bus in the backyard gave it a quality my parents never could apparently. And I could see the tree I planted as a tiny switch (those of you unfamiliar with this term need to really be thankful) in the backyard, is now much taller than the house.

I think what I learned the most from my trip was the past is only the same in your mind. Even if I'd stayed in town to go to college, or come back to Joplin to live, it wouldn't have stayed the same town I grew up in or remembered. The town changes, the landscape changes and the people change. Life isn't what we think it'll be, it just goes on around us. I know this sounds obvious but it took awhile to sink in I think.

I don't know why I avoided going back for so long. Maybe I've learned to dread change. With my life dealing with the kids issues, we deal in a lot of gray areas around here. You can classify Autism many ways, but never does it fit into black or white. So we like to map out as much black & white for them & us as we can. It makes it easier on the kids & those of us who live in their chaotic world. I think going back to Joplin would have been a little harder to categorize. It's all gray for me now. Or maybe it's the same reason I don't go by my grandma's house every time I'm in town visiting my mom. In my mind, it looks the same as the last day I was in it. And I like it that way. I don't need that bubble being burst by visual of a dirty van parked outside and pink walls. Too much. That complicates the memory. And complicated memories aren't as comforting are they? In life we get all kinds of bubbles burst, so maybe trying to control some of that is normal. Maybe not, but it's the way I roll.

Confusingly for me, I have all the memories of that person that grew up in Joplin. The life where I was a kid, carefree & someone else made all the decisions. The responsibilities that come with being an adult can age you beyond the years you feel you are in actual years. My dilemma was how to merge my past person with my present self. Now I'm not sure I can. Maybe I'll just unlock that part of me when I'm in town.

My new reality of my hometown is, it's the same but it's different. Just like me.

Spring Break Me

Well it's been Spring Break here this week. The kids were out of school last Friday & go back this Monday. Does it make me a bad mommy to know the hour count on that?

Let's see if I can give you a run-down of the activities here at the House of Pain.
Son#1 & son #3 can NOT be in the same room without fighting with one another. Usually over a toy #1 thinks #3 shouldn't have, touch or breathe on. And if it's not that, it's #3 pushing #1's button. The power button to the tv that is. He knows #1 comes UNHINGED when he does that repeatedly. It's like someone snuck him a manual for "Top Ten Things to Annoy a Sibling 101". From a different room in the house they sound suprisingly like cats fighting and hissing at one another. I'm about to get a spray water bottle out for them here pretty soon.

Son#2 is still having some issues. He was melting down every day last week, which just isn't like our happy (properly medicated) #2 son. So when he started here this week it escalated. I think he misses school. He's inflicted some good scratches & gotten me good a few times across the neck too. He also went to the doctor last week. Apparently I'm not shrinking, which is good news that I won't have to start taking any calcium like that pill pushing Sally Field takes. However, it does mean son#2 has grown ONE INCH and A HALF since AUGUST. That is a lot people. He's now 4ft 7 inches and weighs 96 lbs. His height puts him well over the 98% percentile for his age group. The doctor was thinking he was 9 years old, till I reminded her he doesn't even turn 8 until this summer. I think gobsmacked might be the right word for what her face expressed. I'll take a picture soon of son#2 & myself alongside each other. He's gaining on me & I'd lay odd he's taller than me WAY before he hits puberty.

Son#2 also had a painful week because he's loosing and has lost a toenail. Apparently with his high pain threshold we never knew months ago that he had dropped something on his big toe & smashed the nail. Well, it seems it was loosening this week & he snagged it on something. (we do all nail cutting at night in this household--sensory issues & it seems to be a tradition in my husbands family) So #2's been hopping around the house, squealing & sqwaking at us if we bump him or come near it & really tried to hurt me when I thought a bath was a good idea. I've lost a toenail too, and I remember the pain, but I didn't bite anyone. I just wanted to kick them through a wall if they breathed on me. Needless to say, #2 is having a rough week which in turn results in a rough week for me. But the doctor like us, believes this growth spurt puts him in need for a new dose for meds. Which is what we're changing up so hopefully son#2 will be back to his happy self come Monday morning. I know I will be come 8:30am!

And then of course there's the car wreck hubbo was in Tuesday night. Tons of rain, many of you got the email I sent out about it so I'll make this the short version. Woman distracted in rain didn't notice him waiting to turn left, rear ends him/our car, and pushes him into the other oncoming lane. Good thing nothing was coming & a witness sitting on our street saw the entire thing. No one was hurt thank goodness, but our car is banged up, perhaps totaled. But how backwards is it that all the phone calls to insurance agencies, stress, hair pulling and the like, have to be made by US? We were NOT at fault, yet we miss hours out of our day/work, taking care of this? I think she should have to since the accident was her fault. She was apparently very upset at the thought of telling her husband. I feel like even THAT wasn't punishment enough for her. Especially for someone named Mindy who spells it M-E-N-D-I-E.

So Spring Break has just about broken me. I think I'll survive this last day. Matt's off tomorrow so I will tag him in after he sees the doctor. (he's starting to feel some whiplash) Hopefully, son#2 won't smell the weakness in him because I'm going to a movie!

Cigettes, Lice & Speeding

I've saved up some little son#1 tidbits to share. I'm also starting to think this Brainpopjr.com is waaaaay too smart for it's own good. First it's Presidents & the Civil War, now we're on to divorce, cigarrettes & lice!? Sigh!

Cigettes are cigarrettes. My son came excitedly off the bus awhile back telling me he had seen some stranger down the street, through the bus window with a cigette in his mouth. Not knowing WHAT he was talking about I was not as excited as he was or wanted me to be. I asked what a cigette was & he said, "Annie & Mobie say a cigette is a white stick with fire on the end. It's very bad for you."
me: "Okay, I see what you're saying now. Come on inside, we'll talk about it later."

son#1 "Okay, but I tried to yell through the window on the bus to tell the stranger with the cigette that it's bad for him, but he couldn't hear me. Shouldn't we go find him?"

me: "Uh no. No, not right now. Just get inside."

Later, he tells us at bedtime about how cigettes makes your lungs go from pink and healthy to black.

son#1 "Julie, did you know that if you smoke cigettes, your lungs will turn black like Darth Vaders?"

me: "Yes, I knew that. How do you know Darth Vader smoked cigettes though?"

son#1 "Well, remember he was on fire in Episode 3 on Mustifar and then his lungs were black & he had to have that box to talk?"

me: "Oh yeah, good point. Good night honey."

This morning, son#1 runs back to where I'm at in my room, telling me to come quick, there's two somethings outside. Now he mumbles and talks low, so it's always hard to hear him. Especially when he says something & sprints away in the middle of it. So I run out there thinking sons 2 & 3 have broken out & are roaming freely in the front yard. I had the storm door locked but the front door open. Nope, they're fine. But what son#1 is excitedly jumping up & down to show me, and pointing at repeatedly, is two "strangers" (our neighbors across the street) sitting on their front porch smoking cigarrettes. Nice. He's trying to open the front door while he's yelling,

"Hey strangers! Don't you know if you smoke those cigarrettes your lungs will turn black!? Strangers, over here, hey, don't smoke those cigarrettes, it's bad for you!"

I quickly shut the door & explained FIRST, we do NOT point at people. It's not polite. Then I gave the shortened version of some people make bad choices and one of those might be to smoke cigarrettes. We can't stop them or tell them it's bad for them, they are grownups, they know it's bad. And children are to NEVER smoke a cigarrette. It would make them sick.

son#1" Yeah, it sure is a bad choice to turn your lungs black."

So as a rule, if you didn't know, cigettes (which I think sounds much better than cigarrettes) are bad for you. And I don't think I'll be able to borrow a cup of sugar across the street for awhile.

Last month we're tucking in the boys to bed and son#1 always has something to say before we leave the room. Imagine that. I don't know WHERE he must get that talking thing he does. Anyway, so he is scratching his legs & all over his, head & his body. Part of this I assume is his dry Ezcema skin he's had since he was a baby and the other, well, he's almost 10 years old and hair is starting to appear on his legs. (that's a whole other blog) So his scratching is just making me think it's a sensory issue with the feeling of the air hitting his leg hairs or dry skin.
We start to leave the room and he says:

son#1: "You know, lice are parasites that live off of other plants or animals in order to survive. They may make your head tickle or itch. People should avoid scratching as much as possible. Scratching can lead to infections and worsen the problem."

me: "Why do you know this? (like I shouldn't have figured this one out already) And why are you telling me about lice?"

son#1: "I learned it from Annie & Mobie on Brainpopjr.com. And I think I have lice on me making my legs itch."

me: "NO-you don't. I promise. There are NO lice on you. Now stop scratching & go to bed."

son#1: "Lice live close to the scalp, where they feed on your bloods."

me: "You DO NOT have lice. Now stop scratching & go to sleep."

son#1: "Okay, good-night Julie"

me: "Good night baby."
(pause)
me: "Son, you didn't wear anyone's hat today or use their comb at school did you?"

So I think you can see just HOW educational brainpopjr IS to our children. All those discussions you may not know how to handle or what to say, let Annie & her robot Mobie tell them about divorce & using their friends hairbrush. Sigh!

Yesterday, son#1 was in the car while I was driving. He asked me if we can take the car to the 120 on the spedometer. I laughed and said no. This reminded me of going to my grandmothers house when I was little & an overpass we would travel on. I always wanted my dad to go "3-0" to see how many cars or trucks we'd "run over".
So anyway, son #1 says, why can't you go to 120? This is a good question. If your car is only by law allowed to go to 75mph or 80mph, WHY do they make it's capability for 120mph? This brought on a discussion about speed limits & the signs posted to tell you how fast you may go in certian areas. He watched me like a hawk all the way home. Then I heard a gasp at one point, I ask what is it. And he tells me:

son#1: "You went over the 40 that's the speed limit. Will the policeman take you to jail?"

me: "No, there's not a policeman here. He might stop me if I'm going more than two over the limit. Then he gives you a ticket and you have to pay a lot of money."

son#1: "And you have to say your sorry to him huh?"

me: "Yes that's right." (under my breath--"Among other things.")

Thanks Brainpopjr for turning my son into a cigarrette speed nazi! Sigh!

Men ARE From Mars & Women Just Do It Better

I can't say that with ten more years of marriage, I'd be any closer to understanding the way a man thinks. I heard it described as they have boxes they pull out & put back, one at a time in their brains. Where we women have jumble of wires in our brains that have everything connected to each other. Which might explain those sporadic shifts of conversation they think we pull out of nowhere. **Although I don't believe this explains Paula Abdul. I really have no clue what her problem is.**


Men & women deal with situations differently and also approach the problem from completely different angles. I'm throwing this out there because today when I went to get some eggs of the fridge to make son #3's birthday cake, THIS is what I found.
Do you see the scotch tape on the end!!?? Do you know what it's covering? A crack. When we brought these home Saturday, and hubbo was putting them up, there was one egg with a crack. I told him to gently leave it on top, I'd use it up in the next two days. I think his guy mind said, "No, I can fix this."
So this is how the male mind decides is the best, easiest fix to a cracked egg. Scotch tape. Not the way I personally would have approached it, but he gets points for inventiveness.
I guess I'm just lucky he didn't use duct tape huh?

A Review of Febuary & A Dash of Politics Thrown In

My oldest son brought home a journal of Febuary. I get the idea each day of the week in the month, the teacher passes out a page first thing in the morning with a primed sentence at the top for the kids to fill in as they see fit. Actually, there's a lot of lines so they can expand on the subject I guess. Being a boy who is very literal, has few subjects that interest him, makes it an interesting read to put it mildly. See if you can count how many times you would have said "DUH!" or "Here's your sign". Oh and I've already told you that he doesn't call me mom, just by my first name. I've underlined son#1's answers.


When the groundhog sees it's shadow it is sunny.

If I could fly a plane I would go to Arbys.

If animals could talk they would say thanks.

When I get money I will buy Lego Star Wars 3.

Abraham Lincoln was born.

Valentine's day is fun because I eat chips.

I get nervous at school when there is no chips.

I was mean to someone when I turn to the Dark Side.

Swimming is fun because it is not fun.

We celebrate George Washington's birthday because he was born.

At school I don't like to do handwriting.

I wish I had a panda. I also wish I had no school for weekdays.

If I lived underwater there would be fish.

My family always eats lunch.

When I have a problem I talk to Julie.

I get grouchy when I do handwriting.

My favorite song is Star Wars.

The best part of winter has been snow.

I want to write Valentine cards for Julie.

(and my favorite & last in the journal)

The President is supposed to talk to people.

Things I'm Thankful For

Since January I've had a double (middle) ear infection which caused vertigo, which brought on weeks with no end, migraines. After a handy trip to the chiropractor (my first!) where he "cracked" my ears, I have found relief! Therfore I am realizing some things I am VERY thankful for.

**Being able to take a shower & close my eyes when I shampoo my hair & not tip over into the wall.

**Sleeping without three pillows.

**Not needing 6 pills every 4-6 hours.

**The ability to lean my head into the kitchen sink to wash my hair without wanting to puke.

**My patience has increased.

**I've even stopped running into things.

Now, if I can just get Sally Field to quit appearing on every channel I turn it to, telling me how she's taken her osteoporsis medicine for the month, I might just survive.

Be My Valentine

It's happened! I have a son with his first girlfriend!! If you've read many articles or watched many 20/20 specials on Autism you probably realize it's not something that affects girls as often. That being the case, my sons have not gone to school (they are in 4th & 2nd grades) with more than one girl. Ever. And if you have seen pictures of my sons, you know they all have big brown eyes with long, thick eyelashes. Since babies they have & still do, flirt with every woman cashier or checker they come across at stores. I even ran into a woman that used to be a secretary at #1 son's school a couple years ago. When I mentioned his name, she lit up & said she knew just who he was. The big brown eyes, hugs and kisses are pretty hard to forget with him. Well this year is the second girl, and she is in #2 son's class. Her name is Emma and she has blonde hair.

Well the teacher called this afternoon & told me that #2 son had seemed a little off today. He wasn't eating his lunch which was odd for him. Not to mention it was macaroni & cheese with green beans. He ate the green beans but that was it. Most odd. Now, he does love him some green beans. He'll eat those first & then scout out everyone elses plates to see if they have any beans left before he'll go on to the other food on his plate. I guess little Emma was worried about him & decided today to willingly share her green beans with #2 son. Awwww!

The teacher also informed me that Emma & #2 will play chase around the room, giggling & laughing like hyenas. There is also a recliner in the classroom the teacher brought from home that the kids basically ignore. Except for Emma & #2 son. They tend to "fight" over it. Each trying to sit down first & then raise up a hand or extending a leg to ward the other off. Then they'll try & sit on top of each other or side by side, trying to wedge the other one out of the chair. All the while, smiling and laughing like gooney birds.

This may not seem like anything but the usual kid cuteness, but it's rare among children like my son. I think Emma can maybe talk a little, I've only met her once & can't really remember. The other kids in the room all ignore each other. Most are in the baby stages where it's all just self-awareness. They're not really concerned or aware of others around them. I know #2 ignores them, unless he's paying attention to what they have on their plates. But he doesn't Emma. So for them to recognize each others presence & interact with one another on a regular basis...well this is more than just cute. And if I know my son, he's batting his dark brown eyes and smiling his big toothy grin, winning over his first girlfriend.

Drama Kings

So the latest goings on here are a bunch of boy stuff. Ready? Here we go...

The baby is cutting some "stomach" teeth. It's been weeks! This means he wants to be crabby and cry at the closing of any door to his face, and any toy or snack taken from his hand. Therefore, by the laws of nature, the older boys realize this & feel the game is to rip as much food, toys or treasures out of his hands as possible. I'm sure it's just to see how long he can go without breathing & turning purple before he falls down or one of us "rescues" him. It's either that or they like listening to the octave he can reach when he's squealing about it. It started out with us running to him because he sounded like someone had broken his arm. Then the jig was up. "Crying Wolf"-which I think would be #3's Indian name, now has to have a full minute prolonged wail before we come running. Of course if he screeches & stops, we know we HAVE to get up & go blow in his face to make him take a breath before he stumbles into something or passes out. He's always done the hold your breath while you cry until you turn blue in the face bit.

#1 knows he's in charge when we're not in the same room with the boys. He's been properly trained to come get us if they take the cushions off the couch and jump, get into the food in the kitchen, or if he smells poop. However, thing we realized this week that we didn't train him for was ninja looting. The kids were watching something in the living room, we were in the bedroom working on some stuff on the computer. When we go check on them, guess what we find? #2 has reached up on top of the fridge & gotten down a bag with the last little bit of chips/crumbs in it. You know, the one you save, even though there aren't any chips big enough to eat with anything, yet too many crumbs to not feel wasteful about throwing it away. #2 takes this bag to the living room and sits down in the floor in this little cove between the ottoman & the sectional. He has his legs out in front of him & "brother bear" (son #3) wonders by & joins him with his legs out in front of him. SO, there they are, sitting facing each other, divvying up the chip crumbs in that bag, sharing them as quietly as possible.
As soon as they realized we saw them, it was like a car chase ending on COPS. #2 took off running & fled the scene of the crime. And #3 went into the face down, turned his head away from us, so that we OBVIOUSLY couldn't see him & got really, really still. Each of them disavowing the bag of chip crumbs & it's mess. Of course, #1 muttered, "I knew they'd get in trouble." Pretty sneaky for two kids that don't talk yet. Scares me about the teenage years though.

For awhile now son #1 has been really into a website he learned about from his teacher last year. www.brainpopjr.com and www.brainpop.com for older kiddos. He enjoys these & we love he's learning history, geography and really using the computer for education instead of just killing storm troopers. But the other night, our deep thinker caught us off guard. We're tucking him into bed, kissing him good-night when he tells us we need to recap what we've learned today. Alright.
We talk of what we've been doing that evening, then he mentions this juicy tidbit:

Son#1: "Oh and Anakin and Obi-Wan got a divorce."

Me & Hubbo: "What's that!?" "What?" (said with much spittle & stammering)

We did our best trying to stay in that calm, "You haven't flustered me!" parent voice, but I'm not sure it didn't show on our faces how shocked we were. We realize we can't shelter him from friends or people he'll know that ARE divorced, but he SURE hasn't heard that word from our mouths, so we were curious at nine years old where he heard it from. And more importantly, what he thought it was.

Hubbo: "Where did you hear that word divorce?"

Son#1: " On Brainpopjr. Mobie & Annie told me about it."

Me:"What did they say divorce is?"

Son#1: "It's when two people who love each other aren't married any more."

Hubbo: " That's right. But Obi-Wan & Anakin weren't married to each other."

Son#1:"But they were always together & in "Revenge of the Sith" Anakin turns bad and leaves Obi-Wan. He didn't love him anymore so they divorced."

Sigh! We went to bed. This was not a conversation to have on such little sleep. We'll attack it some other day. Maybe when he asks what tampons are.

Terrible Twos Twice

It's been awhile since I posted. December seems to have zapped my strength & tapped my energy reserves down to a breakingly low point. The terrible two's have invaded my home but my problem is double the trouble. The baby is nearing 2 years old so I expected this. #2 son is 7 years old, yet developmentally guess what? Two years old. Double sigh! I don't know if they've planned these little crime sprees or if they are just that in sync. Either way, I may not make it. I'm just telling you now. Divide up my stash of scrapbook stuff & yarn amongst yourselves when I'm gone. And someone come check on hubbo occasionally. Or cart him off to the loony bin, whichever.

The first week in December started out hinky with #2 son starting to act out again. Sigh! Here we go again. My mother came that Friday & watched them so we could go to my husband's Christmas party. He bit her before we ever got sat down to eat at the restaurant.

Second week in December, power outage. Staying here in a cold house for two days with NOTHING but the noise of your own children can really, really make you crazy. Then let's toss in a sprinkling of the baby teething those nasty "stomach" teeth & crying when you looked at him or anytime you shut a door to a room he wasn't allowed in. His nose ran, he was dramatic at anything and everything. It's amazing how if one is crying the other gets upset & cries too. Two peas in a pod pushing each other off my lap, vying for my attention.

The next week in December the kids went back to school, thank goodness, but only for two days. Sigh! I got the Christmas goodies made, and saw a movie just to keep from going insane. ALLLLLLLL this time, all these weeks, #2 son is melting down daily & usually multiple times a day. And not even the usual temper tantrum, now it's full blown, "I'm gonna bite you if you come near me or cross me!" tantrums. Lovely huh? You'd be amazed at how fast a 100lb kid can take you down. Picture a lion cutting out one of those baby wilder beasts from the herd. Not pretty. I think that week he bit everyone but the baby. Also, for fun, he loves to stand next to the keyboard & stick his flattened hand under your fingers as you type. Or as you start to use the mouse. Then there's the pulling of your hand off the keyboard or mouse. He giggles like a maniac too. ARGH! That is a majorly annoying thing. If you think it's not, have someone try it on you. After about the tenth time, I'm ready to cry & stab myself in the eye-in that order.

The final week of December they were home from school, and the new Christmas toys to entertain them. Did that work, distract them? HA! They laughed in my face as I tried my best to ply them with Chex Mix, Twizzlers and talking robots. It's like they were saying, "Funny lady, think WE can actually be entertained? What fun would that be if we can't follow you around everywhere you go & throw a good temper tantrum or fight with each other?!" All this time #2 son is pushing me, pushing me, scratching me, biting me, and pushing me. I kept thinking, these Winter Solstice days, REALLY are longer than the rest of the year.

January 3rd, they were back at school. There were some hands raised to heaven that day I don't mind telling ya. Can I get an AMEN here? Love my kids to death but mamma needed some "alone time". #2 son's school actually called me that first day he went back & said he was melting down so badly, they may send him home. ACK!!!! I nearly choked on my coffee. Seriously!? It's been TWO HOURS! Are you kidding me!? Why did I answer the phone? Fortunately, he stayed all day.

So the teacher, doctors & hubbo and I have put our heads together trying to figure out where this behavior is coming from. We're in the process of adjusting meds, we are on Claritin which seems to be helping-go figure. And although some tantrums are still happening, it's not AS bad as December-knock on wood. The main conclusion is he does needs meds adjusted BUT, he's just in the Terrible Twos. And I did capitalize that for a reason...it's earned some respect around here. Steer clear.

The baby is testing us too. He loves to run turn off the tv. Off & on, for about 5 FULL minutes. I think #1 son would love to leave home right about now. He's kind of giving off that vibe of "What if I was an only child?" The baby seems to be very interested in EVERY drawer in the kitchen and EVERYTHING in them. One day he got out every piece of silverware in the drawer & laid them out on the couch. When I caught him, he ran & hid. You know, that run & lay down on my tummy & turn my head? Be real still & maybe she won't see me thing. but at least he's not tall enough to reach the keyboard yet.

I might make it, then again, I might not. The baby isn't even two years old until March! Pray that we all make it out alive. I didn't ask for twins and I really don't think this is in the rules. The least that God could do is even out the weight ratio!

#33

Today, December 22, 2007, I am turning 33 years old. I say turning because I don't really feel you just magically take on a new age on your birthday when you wake up. I see it more as starting off the begining of a whole new year you earn. New things will happen, happy events, sad occasions, exciting changes & difficult ones. All these things, they all make that year and they change you.

One of my funniest, favorite gifts for birthdays has to be this set of coasters given to me by a friend yesterday:

And this one seems like something I'd like to say:

Enjoy the rest of my birthday!

Christmas Party & Ice Storms

Turn if you will, back in your calendars to last Friday-December 7, 2007. This was the evening of my hubbo's company Christmas party. My mom came to babysit the kids and got bit by middle son before we even got to eat dinner. Luckily, she survived but I think we better start searching for next years babysitter now.
We've gone to a good Chinese restaurant the past 3 years & we always play "Dirty Santa" with presents we all bring. In addition to the presents we bring, there's the ones the boss buys & brings. I can't even begin to tell you where he gets such things. I picture it as a dock down by their sister company in Florida. Taking whole pallets off boats for $100 "as is unseen". Usually there's some item he's purchased an unusually large amount of, and that is the hot item during our game of Dirty Santa. We have a small grouping of Mexican* families that don't speak English well, but they get this game. They are good at hiding the hot item under their chairs & keeping it till the end. They usually going home with several of the hot items in tow.

In the past these items have included, luggage, vases (I use that term loosely), 40 pc. tool kits, extra large calculators, pen/pencil sets, large carry-on bags with lipstick, animals or Route 66 on them, and comfort sets-king & queen sizes. We've made out fairly well just escaping with a nice comforter set one year. (Hey, having a king sized bed isn't cheap, I'll take any bedding for that bad boy.) We have numerous tool kits all around the garage & house, so we gave away one this year. I don't really usually want the hot items, but it's nice to have a little competition. If you know me, you know I'm always up for that. This year it was flower arrangements and MP3 players. Now, I'm sure these weren't high end, but hey, it's free right? Hubbo always plays it smart & safe. He goes for small bags hoping for gift cards. He usually walks away with one too. He's good-this year he got a camp chair from BassPro AND a gift card. There have been years early on where we picked our own presents to go home with it gets that scary.

I wish they'd take it seriously & just let everyone bring a gift & that's it. We are always there till midnight getting rid of all the extra gifts. I think the employees would rather have the money he spends on that stuff, in a bonus-cold, hard, cash. I was jaded after year 2 or 3 where some yahoo decided to bring a microwave cover & a Jewish teddy bear for his $10 gift. Guess who got that one? ME! It's not about I want a gift...I just feel that if I went to the trouble to bring a decent $10 gift, then so should everyone else. I still glare at that boy every time I see him. Hubbo thinks it's funny. If I remember correctly though, he went home with $10 & a candle that year. Of course he'd think that's funny! All in all, this years party wasn't too bad.

Did I mention we had a famous entertainer come perform for us?? Edward John! A Scandinavian pop Christian singer. I felt bad they gave him a sucky Karaoke mic & speaker, but he was good nonetheless. Here's a peek at his work: http://www.speakerheart.com/edwardjohn
Oh and did I forget the laying on of hands & speaking in tongues during our prayer before dinner? That'll have to be a different day, I'm not sure I have the energy for that today. I'm still recouping.

Two days after the party we had an ice storm here that knocked out the power in our state. Worst in history & FEMA showed up. The president sent federal aid and declared Oklahoma a national disaster area. It was bad. We were without power for 4 days. The roads were clear and the ice was melted the next day, but the damage was done. Branches had fallen in the roads & broken homes, fences & power lines. People had to put their food outside or loose it. Tons of schools had to restock their food that was all spoiled. I've never seen so many stores closes. EVERY Wal-Mart was closed. Generators caused a gas shortage & there was a threat of a water treatment plant being on the fritz after power loss for so long. We had a gas stove to cook but our chimney wasn't clear so we had no way to keep warm other than layers & layers of clothes. After two days it got too cold & we went to stay with my mother. I can't tell you how happy my children were to get back to their routine, beds & home Thursday! I know I was. I still have a kink in my back & I think the baby and I caught some cold or flu. I was sick all Friday and can't seem to get enough sleep.

Plus, the holiday spirit has up & left me. I feel like that one week took 3 off my life and Father Christmas can suck my big toe. I'm sure once I get past the horror of having to come up with 20 teacher/bus driver/co-worker gifts due in three days, I'll be okay. In the meantime though, I'm just bah-hum-bugging it through the day. I have given serious thanks though that the kids got to go back to school today. Might just get them something else in their stockings!

Hodge Podge

Random thoughts by a cold induced brain fog formerly known as--myself.



*I think God makes babies & kids cute so that when they do something wrong you can't throttle them as hard as you like. If I have to pick up one more shattered bulb from the Christmas tree, or set the tree back up again, I'm gonna scream or leave home for 2 weeks. I can't be responsible for my actions.



*Was bringing son#1 back to school the other day & he met some lady he knew in the office & hugged her & while hugging her made a kissing noise...on her boob. This is just the height he's at, but it caused her a smidge of alarm. The principal called me into her office & explained he did this to her last year. Maybe I could explain to him, kissing noises & pursed lips belong up above the neckline. Sigh! This ought to be a really interesting conversation huh?



*I finished knitting son#3's
sweater in time for Thanksgiving------>
(much thanks to Becky for the advice along the way)



*Our church here is going through some problems. I'm very frustrated that people today feel the need to have a timed worship service, see their friends as elders-qualified or not, get in everyone elses business, oh and be entertained or they'll take their toys & go home. There are plenty of people standing up getting angry, but not about the right thing.



*All the big boys have been sick in the house for a few weeks. Now the baby & I have it. But I feel like if I hear another cough, sputter, sneeze or fart, I'm gonna go out of my mind!! What happened to suffering silently!? And no, women don't belong in that category, we have our own thank you very much. It's called "I-Run-This-House-But-If-I-Get-Sick-No-One-Cares"



*My husband's company Christmas party is next Friday. I usually really enjoy this since it's almost our only date for the year. Literally. We go to a Chinese resturant & then do a very time consuming Dirty Santa gift exchange. With over 100 people...it takes awhile. This year, they're allowing children. WHAT!? There's always some non-English speaking couple that brings a baby anyways, well-behaved I might add, but COME ON! Why on earth do children need to be out on a Friday night, contained in this hot room, stuffed with presents to the ceiling until midnight!? It's like the grocery store, I come there without my kids to get AWAY from that noise & chaos. I don't want to hear yours there! Think people!



*And why on earth does everyone who ever hurts a child have to have their story plastered where I HAVE to at least read the headline when I log onto the internet? I don't want to see it anymore. I don't want to know what horrible things are being done to children by their own relatives. Maybe it used to happen all the time & we just didn't have the internet to hear about it. Maybe the people get ideas from the stories of others. I don't care. I can't take anymore, start showing me some happy crap gosh darn-it!!!!



*Could someone somewhere please make a rule or law that states you are NOT allowed to go out in public in your pajama pants??? I don't care if you're skinny or younger than me, just don't do it. We all know it's mostly the people that AREN'T skinny doing it. And I DO NOT want to see your scraggledy butt in house-shoes scuffing around the grocery store either. The sound of you sliding your feet (you know who you are!) is like nails on a chalk board! And while we're at it, women...WEAR A BRA...not a tank top to the store. It may not matter to you, but it sure does to the rest of us!


WHEW! I feel a WHOLE lot better!!! Now where's my Vicks....

But Why?

First I need to start off with explaining that Son#1 distingiushes his food by shapes. He always has. Round crackers are Ritz crackers. Octagon crackers are oyster crackers. And then of course that leaves his favorite cracker, saltines, or square crackers. Son#1's array of food isn't a long list. Part of Autism a lot of times leads to sensory issues. As I've described before, haircuts, loud noises etc. Food has texture to it...all of it. That makes it a sensory issue. Since he was a baby Son#1 would take those Gerber jars of babyfood with tiny chunks of meat in it & eat the spoonful only to wallow the piece of meat around in his mouth & deposit it back on my spoon. He wasn't even walking yet when he did this. He's NEVER been a fan of meat or veges or fruit.



So most days he's eating crackers, yogurt, chips or peanutbutter pretzels. On rare occasions we can get him to eat a grilled cheese. When he first started going to Denny's we had to "BYOF"-Bring Your Own Fries. Then he tried grilled cheese & from then on proclaimed "GOLD CHEESE SANDWICHES" good fare. BUT, only the ones from Denny's. Just a note here, don't ever think they'll let you buy JUST the sandwich with no fries at Denny's. They won't. They'll still charge you $3 for one plain "gold cheese" sandwich. This got to be an expensive habit because he'll eat several at a time. We even had acquired some of the red plastic baskets they serve the sandwiches in to fool him at home. I would cut my wax paper just so, make sure the sandwich was browned but not too brown. Cut it on the diaganol. No go. He knew it wasn't Denny's. However, this year, we've discovered he'll eat Sonic gold cheese sandwiches. Hurray! Cheaper & closer to our house. We indulge him about once every two weeks. Before you think I'm a mean mommy, he's figured out how to put up a wall & hold out on eating. So if we did the Sonic grilled cheese all the time, he'd never eat anything else & he'd wait us out for it, trust me. Same with McD's fries. We've tried to show him Wendy's has fries, and so does Braums. No go. That child is too smart for his own good.



The shape of the food brings me around to this past Sunday morning. I got Son#1 to accompany me & the baby to church that morning. I had plenty of books, snacks, Star Wars guys & dropped the baby off at the nursery. I had prepped him in the car we had to whisper, sit still and at one point they'll dim the lights but it won't get dark. (during communion) I was looking forward to him going to children's Bible hour & getting to sit through a sermon. It's been awhile! Daddy has to stay at home with Son#2 because he's the strongest...and this time, Son#2 protested A LOT at being left out.



So as we come in to the auditorum, he sees the communion plates ready for later at the back of the auditorium. He was very curious. I pull him on & we sit and he does super throughout the first part of the service. Then communion time came, the lights dimmed, and he leans over & whispers to me, "What's going on?"



me: "Remember I told you the lights would dim but not go out. This is communion"



We were doing good till they brought "the bread". Sigh!



Son#1: (in loud whispered voice) "Hey! Those are square crackers! I LOVE square crackers! I want some!"



me: "Uh no. These ARE square crackers, but they are grown-up square crackers, see how big they are? And kids aren't supposed to eat them. See-No kids are eating them."



Son#1: "But why can't I have any? My tummy is telling me it's hungry & I love square crackers! Everyone else is eating but me!" (which was sort of true to a very literal minded child)



Luckily by this point the nice man had come & taken the tray away again. But then, it's time for the grape juice.



Son#1: "Oh yummm I LOVE cherry juice! Look at all the little cups Julie!"



me:"Yeah but those aren't for kids either. And it's grape juice, not cherry juice."


I try to hold the tray with one hand, take my tiny cup with the other, and guess who moved in for the kill? You got it! Now I realize that these things represent other things (Christ blood & body) and they won't HURT him to eat them. But I didn't really have it in me to deal with all those weird looks people throw you when people just let their kid do the buffet conga through the communion trays.



I managed to get the juice away from him without too much incident & back in the tray & pass it off. I gave him his snacks from my bag & distracted him with change for the contribution that was next. And don't worry, I was careful to explain to my VERY literal son, that you can't take it back out when you put it in the tray. Crisis avoided.



Although he went to children's Bible hour, he came back after a little bit, not liking their singing. Everyone's a critic. He sat looking at his Bible & books. I was so proud he do so well. Then as he started getting antsy I showed him on the front of the announcement the order things were progressing in. Song titles, prayers, and sermon. I showed him that we just had a little bit longer. Two songs a prayer & we could go. He wasn't thrilled but kept it together. For a bit.

Then someone went forward during our invitation song. Uh oh, we're deviating from the program. Mom said two songs and a prayer...this is taking even longer! He did start whispering quite loudly. I was on the end & he was trying to get past me. I finally pulled out the ol' "Be quiet & sit down, everyone is looking at you."



Son#1: (stands up, looks around) "No they're not!"



me: sigh! "Sit your hiney down or there's not computer when we get home!"



Then the closing prayer.



Son#1:"What's a prayer?"



me: "You know what a prayer is. It's when we talk to God."



Son#1: (looking all around) "But where is he, I don't see him?"



me:"He's in heaven, remember? With Papa & Nana2? We can't see him."



Son#1: "Then why are we talking to him?"


I was just SOOOO thankful Jimmy Allen wasn't there to lead us in 16 verses of "Just As I Am".

Happy Birthday Daddy

Today would have been my father's 74th birthday. He would have a big pecan pie. And I'm sure I would have bought him something with the St. Louis Cardinals on it. There was a song I kept hearing on the radio during the few days before he died & afterwards too. It seemed like such a heart wrenching thing at the time, but I never had the strength to turn the station. I always had to listen. Then later on, it became more like a comforting pat on the back from God. The words are such an honest read on what heaven ultimately is. Shedding the sins & struggles we have carried all these years.

"When I Get Where I'm Goin" by Brad Paisley with Dolly Parton

Paparazzi

I'm sure we've all seen the clips on tv or online with different starlets and hunky men from television & movies. They are chased relentlessly by the paparazzi. They take their pictures are out on dates, trips to the store or out with their kids. Calling their name, wanting the picture that will get them the most money. I can't imagine being hassled like that or hounded until you have a car accident or just want to escape. The celebs wear wigs, sunglasses and try secluded spots to try & avoid the paparazzi.

I realize that being a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom) isn't exactly glam to a lot of people. Sometimes it's not to us either! There's diapers, accidents that don't even make it INTO the diapers, illness, tantrums, biting, pinching, scratching and of course crying jags (although some of those could be mine). Now there ARE several perks to the job though. Hugs, kisses & that little light in their eyes that comes alive when you walk in a room. Those are all the obvious ones, but did you know being a SAHM wins you your own groupies? Yes, that's right, I have my very own paparazzi. They follow me around wherever I go. I go out in the garage to do laundry, they are pounding on the door trying to get to me. (or perhaps it's the snacks I keep out there)
The bathroom--a shower means little hands reaching under the door or crying outside making me rush leaving soap in my hair so I can rush out & address my waiting "paps" in a towel.

Dinner is a huge event. I swear they can hear me open the fridge and they come running. They're like cats and the can opener! I'm beginning to wonder if they've used their allowance to go buy one of those Listen Up! hearing devices. Once they're in the kitchen with me it's all grabbing at my legs, swiping at food, pushing cups at me for refills, and asking when they can have this or that. They hound me until I can't take anymore, or I feed them. It's even worse when I try to go to the grocery store. I come back & there they are, waiting for me. I can barely get in the back door with the sacks & slap them up on the counter & there they are wanting me to pick them up like they haven't seen me in days, pulling at me to get them something (what's wrong with your dad's arms?) or digging through the sacks to see what I've brought them.

My paparazzi is relentless, annoying and has very sharp elbows. BUT, they're my biggest fans. They aren't going to sell my autograph on ebay, they don't want the "money shot" of me with no make-up, they just want me. I think I can dig that. Most days anyway.

Celebrations Assembly

Son#1 had an assembly coming up at school & he'd always backed out in the past. He practice all nice, but would never perform at the end in front of everyone. I told him I'd come to this one & he promptly told me then he'd sit with me & wouldn't sing. I told him I wasn't coming to see everyone else sing, just him. And that if he didn't perform, I wasn't going to go at all. I tried to bribe him with taking pictures for his scrapbook, no dice. Finally, the morning of the assembly (Tues-23rd) I said I'd take video if he'd get up there & sing. He readily agreed as long as I'd make it into a Quicktime movie for him to watch on the computer. (He loves it when we upload the videos from birthdays etc and he watches them over & over on the computer.) Son#1 also told me he'd stand up on stage, but just mouth the words. I can live with that.

I got to the school early enough with the baby in a stroller to get a good seat. And his class came in soon after. It was all 4th & 5th graders from the whole school. Then the rest of the school/teachers were all piled in the cafeteria to watch. The video doesn't even show HALF the kids on stage. I was really proud of him that he did it! And by that I mean stayed up there & sang or at least pretended too. You can tell he's sort of dancing along, even when there weren't hand movements or choreography. I think he was hamming it up for the camera personally. You'll notice my hand shakes in some of them. That was either, the baby messing with my arm, me laughing or my arm shaking from 15 straight minutes of holding my arm up in the air.

They did a couple small songs & I was thrilled that my camera batteries held out, thinking we were done. I put the camera away & one of my son's teachers offered to take the baby out for a stroll down the hallway to keep him occupied. That was wonderful! Then they handed out awards, which Son#1 did receive one for reading his books for the quarter. When I saw they were going to send a couple more songs, I KNEW I better run get that camera that was in the bottom of the stroller. I ran out into the hallway to get it, talked to some teachers a bit until a helper came out & told me I better hurry. Seems Son#1 wasn't allowing the music teacher to start those songs, until his mom came back with her camera. Sigh! I told you he was a ham!

In the curriculum from the state, the 3rd & 4th graders must learn the Pre-Amble to the Constitution & all states & their capitals. The principal was thrilled when the music teacher Mr. Childers taught it all to the kids in song form. I personally think this is brilliant, but then that's the only way I can remember all of Jesus apostles to be honest.

Enjoy the songs, and the "ants-in-my-pants" dance my son seems to have going on. He's in the bright blue shirt, front row, dead center. Bet they don't make THAT mistake twice. Eat your heart out Britney Spears !!

I recommend, I LOVE, Oklahoma, We the People & The Addams Family. Click here & scroll down.

I Love- http://s5.photobucket.com/albums/y162/JSwaim/The%20Fam/?action=view&current=Ilove.flv

Oklahoma- http://s5.photobucket.com/albums/y162/JSwaim/The%20Fam/?action=view&current=oklahoma.flv

We the People- http://s5.photobucket.com/albums/y162/JSwaim/The%20Fam/?action=view&current=wethepeople.flv

Addams Family- http://s5.photobucket.com/albums/y162/JSwaim/The%20Fam/?action=view&current=addamsfamily.flv

10th: aluminum, tin, diamond jewelry

Today, October 18, 2007 hubbo & I have been married 10 years. A DECADE!!!! In many ways it went by fast & it also doesn't seem like 10 years. Then, in other areas, we've gone through a lot for just ten years.

I take you to be my wedded wife.
I take you to meet my family who live far, far away in a state you've never been to. I take you on a trip back to our honemoon spot. I take you on a three day trip back home to see my mother one last time. I take you out to dinner when I can afford it & there's a babysitter. I take you for granted sometimes when I shouldn't.

To have and to hold,
To have some money. To hold your hand. To have some babies. To hold keys to a new house and a new car. To have common sense.

from this day forward, for better, for worse,
Moving. Jobs. Babies. Cancer. Moving. Friends. Branson. Weddings. Babies. Death. Respect.

for richer, for poorer,
Your job-through famine & feast-they understand the needs of our family and allow us to parent accordingly.

in sickness or in health,
Autism for two, your mother's cancer, a two-year-old's broken leg, two sets of tonsils, and my father.

to love and to cherish 'till death do us part.
The way you make me laugh out loud, even when I don't want to. You talking to me in the car and missing a turn. Your helpfullness with the house and all that's in it. Diaper duty and playing with the kids comes so naturally to you. Your selflessness and your endless patience with me and the children. Oh and your snoring.

And hereto I pledge you my faithfulness.
For many more decades, hubbo. Many more, so don't think you're going anywhere anytime soon.

Don't Squeeze The Charmin

I found a lump in my breast the month before my dad died, two months before my third baby was born. I went to the doctor & was relieved that I had a matching one on the other side. Apparently they were clogged ducts. Nothing exciting & I was too young to get a mammogram. At the time I had bigger things to worry about.

This years September's scrapbooking crop brought only three of us together. Friend R, a nurse-friend T, my Celiac (wheat allergy) friend & friend G, a really good friend & whose house we were at. Somehow with just a few of us, there was more talk than cropping, accompanied by lots of snacking. The conversation turned to Cancer & then breast Cancer. Turns out, Friend R had survived breast Cancer & I never knew. I knew she was strong & capable of many things, but I immediately had a new respect for her. Friend T did the breast Cancer walk here in Tulsa, in memory of several family members including her mother. And Friend G, well, she had found a lump once & had to go in to have it biopsied. It was benign.

A week later, I found a lump. The same lump. But this time, it was sore-very sore. I scheduled a doctor appointment for the next day & she told me to leave it alone for 2 weeks & not touch it. If it still hurts, come back & they'd do an ultrasound. That was rather surreal. I wasn't too worried. All the things I could Google about breast lumps & soreness didn't point to cancer. As a general rule, as if Cancer abides by rules, Cancer doesn't hurt. Okay then. Now the waiting begins. Two & a half MORE weeks of waiting to get my mammogram & ultrasound.

Today was the day. I went in at 1pm to the Tulsa Breast Cancer Center in the Natalie building, which is between the Warren & Kelley buildings. (all you Tulsa friends out there, go get squished) It was a packed waiting room of lots of old men. Finally the receptionist took pity on them & turned the TV from HGTV to CNN. They were a very fast & efficient staff. They'd call you back for paperwork questions, then dismiss you back to the waiting room. They had a huge nursing staff to take people back very quickly for mammograms. One husband tried to follow his wife back & the nurse politely told him no.

"No men allowed, I'm sorry sir."

"That's okay, I understand."

It was rather comforting to see that many husbands there in support of their wives.

After I was called back I was led to what looked like bathing suit dressing room. There were about ten rooms-five on each side-with chairs in between them. Your nurse-you had your own-ushered you back to an empty room that had a little straw purse hanging on the wall filled with deodorant & wipes. The wipes, she informed me, were to take off any anti-perspirant you were wearing. She said it shows up on the x-rays like little specks. I could happily tell her I wasn't wearing anti-persperant.

***I will take this time to offer up the brand of deodorant stick I use & why. When my mother-in-law found out she had breast cancer several years ago she had just had a mammogram in April & found her lump in October. She lived about two years after that. In that time, she researched & found lots of things that aid Cancer cells to keep forming or regenerating. But one of the things she found that was interesting (her doctor backed this up) is that most anti-persperant contains ALUMINUM as it's first & largest ingredient. And sweating is natural. It's good for your glands. Especially women's lymph glands under their arms. You need those glands to sweat the toxins out of your body. With anti-persperant, your body isn't allowed to sweat & therefore clogs up those glands. The smell your body gives off, is from the bacteria that grows on the toxins your body is getting rid of. This deodorant just kills that bacteria that smells.So, my husband & I use two different kinds of deodorant. This is what I use now: http://www.walgreens.com/store/product.jsp?id=prod396895&CATID=304733&skuid=sku396896&V=G&ec=frgl_wic&ci_src=17588969&ci_sku=sku396896

My husband uses this kind: http://www.walgreens.com/store/product.jsp?CATID=304733&navAction=jump&navCount=4&id=prod396875

It's a pretty easy thing to do, to help prevent cancer, and just be healthy, in my opinion. Especially for women.***

Okay, so back to the dressing room. I have to take off my shirt & bra, and put on a cape that snaps in the front. Then sit & read a magazine till it's my turn. There were all kinds of women there-old, middle-aged, and younger. I was the youngest one there. It's amazing how natural women try to make it seem that they are sitting there half-naked with sheets draped over them, full make-up, reading a magazine like they're at the hair salon. The next step is they take you into a room with the mammogram machine & take your info & start snapping pictures. I won't lie to you. It IS very odd to have another woman handle your breast & place it like a chicken cutlet on this VERY VERY COLD machine & proceed to talk in a very soothing voice. As she's talking & asking you questions, she's tightening this vice like you had in shop class, down onto your boob, er, breast I mean. (I hate the word breast. I think that stems back to singing that word in songs at church. Very unnatural.)

If it was a routine yearly exam I would have four films, two of each side. But in my "special" case, I got a whopping seven. SEVEN X-RAYS. I was in weird positions that I wasn't really sure were possible. I had no clue you could stand THAT far away from your own boob! She had sized & shaped attachments sort of like on your vacuum cleaner, she would stick on the machine & then tighten the vice down again while you're reaching with your arm up & over and trying to keep your hair out of the film.

I told her I was certain a man had invented the machine because the board where your boob, er breast, sits is STONE COLD. A woman would have had that done in heated marble I was sure. I'm finished & go back to the dressing room area. The funky colored pink chairs where we all sit & look at magazines and wait for the nurse to come & dismiss you with those very happy words, "You can go now Ms. X, you're fine." At least three of the women left with that phrase ringing in their ears, and then two with, "You can dress & leave now Ms. Y, you'll be receiving a letter in the mail in one week."

I was the only one left for a LONG time. I was still waiting for the ultrasound and then..."Ms. Z? You can dress & go. The doctor found nothing but fatty tissue on your x-rays. There's no need to do an ultrasound on your lump."

me: "Really? So I'm just fat & lumpy?"

nurse: "Yes, well, I mean, no. Sort of." (nervous laugh)

me: "But it's not anything serious right?"

nurse: "Right!"

She handed me a brochure on some things to cut out --caffeine-which I already did. And Vitamin E & Primrose Oil to add in. Oh, and the best part, no more mammograms till I'm 40 years old! I hurriedly dressed & raced home to share the news with hubbo. He was thrilled & did the touchdown sign. I was hoping for an end zone dance, but we didn't want to wake the baby.

So go get squished, it isn't that bad, if you don't have a painful lump.