Ten Things Wednesday

1. Son#2 is doing well lately. He hasn't had anymore incidents, knock on wood. And I've come to the conclusion that his bruises were more likely from a teeter totter or such thing that he probably did to himself. I think the negligence probably came from the newbie staff member not keeping an eye on him or reporting the accident that occurred. The investigation is still on-going, but I'm already assuming, most likely we will never know.what truly happened.

2. I'm thankful to feel 100% physically better now. You can handle things so much better mentally when you physically feel better & I'm sure not taking that for granted. Test results back, and I don't have rheumatoid arthritis or Lupus. I have some strange thyriditis. Hashimotos? Whatever it is, there's a medicine for all the spasms so I'm feeling quite good most days. I'll take it! So many people have much worse going on daily and I have bigger fish to fry. Onward & upward!

3. I am thankful that my weekly Bible study started back up last night & it was quite an interesting discussion about the book of Daniel, angels & the whole realm of heavenlies fighting around us, FOR us. I'm looking forward to the day I can read the book "This Present Darkness" to my boys out loud. I think I'm going to re-read it for myself now. That book was life changing in the way I looked at our lives here on earth & my spiritual connection to God. Thank you Luke Pyron for loaning me the book & introducing it to me many moons ago.

4. I am quite thankful to finally have talked to Dr. M. Son#2's doctor at Camelot. Although I have never met her in person, I can now say I've spoken to her. I do feel she is competent, however I did get the impression she's someone that isn't always listening to us "parental experts". (How could we not be? We lived with our kids 24/7 YEARS longer than they've known them!) But for now, she's listening enough. Last night they called to tell me she FINALLY got to look in his ears and one has some pink tinged drainage. So they wanted permission to start him on anti-biotic.
I'm glad they stopped thinking he was nicking his ear with a fingernail & listened to the Mama Bear that there was something really going on.

5. God keeps whispering to me that fear is from Satan. And if Satan tries to shake you with something new & it doesn't work, he'll go back to what he KNOWS works on you.
I wear two bracelets as reminders, every time I put on my watch. One says "EXPECT MIRACLES". And the other is Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD "plans to prosper you, not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

6. I have a cousin getting some help in a facility in Missouri for addiction & such issues. I'm SO pleased & very thankful for him to be accepting help & look forward to seeing his gentle, heart more present in his family's life.

7. We get to go do a therapy with son#2 this Saturday afternoon. It's because Lolly wants us to see son#2 working & behaving with Toya. It'll be a long afternoon/evening, but I'm looking forward to it. We've worked up to a 4 hour long pass now so we get to take him to eat dinner & we're going to try bowling. Wish us luck--first time to attempt that with the kiddos!

8. Ying & Yang. Sometimes I'm Ying & other days I'm Yang. What I appreciate without waver is that whatever kind of day I'm having, either Ying or Yang---my husband is having the other. As infuriating as our differences are to me at times, I do realize it's a "good thing" as Martha Stewart says. When I was so down about son#2---he picked me up. He was rational & all kinds of annoying logical male , while my heart was ruling my thoughts, he was able to be the strong one. I think it's kind of cool the way that works out.

9. Thank you God for entertainment like books, TV & movies/Netflix, games & puzzles. Without it, I'm not sure I would have been able to relax through the holidays as much as I was. It was a nice way to escape reality for a bit and try to take my mind off anything & everything.

10. And last but by far the very most important ---the thing I'm most thankful for, is all of my friends & family. Every single one from acquaintances, cyber buddies and lifers------THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART. I would NEVER have made it through the holidays & the toughest times recently without all those prayers & kind thoughts from all of you. It's been a very touching thing when I get down in the dumps, to realize how many people have sent cards, emails, notes & in-person told me how much they care, wish us the best, spend their own time in prayer & just genuine love I've felt. I can't even begin to describe the kindness. I probably don't deserve it but I will take it as the gift from God it is and pray it continues!

Good-Bye and Good Riddance 2011!

What a turbulent month December was! The usual busy of Christmas was afoot as well as three trips to OKC to see our boy.
In those four weeks we had three "holds" and TWO self-inflicted goose eggs on the middle of his forehead. One golf ball sized, the other (done to himself this Monday) tennis ball sized. It was shocking to see the golf ball one on Christmas Eve & scratches he had on his face from another child there in his unit. But apparently when we left something happened. Weekend help is not as up on the procedures or follow-thru. But weekend HOLIDAY help....I think is much less trustworthy.

When we came to visit this past Friday (30th) we were taken to a new administrator office to meet with the director and Lolly. Apparently the bruises on the tops of son#2's thighs were WAY worse than they mentioned in a phone call.
And they were unexplained. Nothing had been reported that weekend of Christmas. So the bruises were most likely inflicted either by son#2 or a roommate/staff. They just failed to report it so they were not discovered until Monday. The bruises were in an area that is difficult to conclude how it could have been accidental. It's almost as if he was was standing up and someone hit him across the front of the thighs with a 4x6 board.





There is an investigation going on right now & it was reported to a state agency that records these things. They are doing an in-house investigation & are interviewing all involved as well as having written up the workers that weekend for not reporting the incident.

Reality set in late Friday night (30th) and I was barely able to sleep. The reality is, as a mother my worst nightmare could possibly have happened. That we sent him there for help, and someone hurt him & he can't tell us. It breaks your heart.
It's taken this long for me to be able to discuss it whether in writing, out loud or mentally processing it, without crying.
It's rough to think because son#2 can't speak, we may never know what exactly happened. Or if it's a possibility to happen again. We trust the staff that is there 99% of the time. But sadly, I'm still hoping for some blood disorder or such thing. Which we're still looking into.

We're in the middle of discussing if his meds are interacting with one another & causing some extra aggression. It cannot be good for him to have several goose eggs in the same place, aka trauma to his forehead, in the matter of 6 months time.
It just can't. They do neuro checks afterwards, but still. I'm beginning to think we need to buy him an NFL quarterback helmet.

During all this I've struggled physically as well. With an infection that's just now over. And now a bad reaction to the latest antibiotics I'm taking. So needless to say I don't feel a hundred percent mentally or physically to deal with all of this.
I keep reminding myself, trust that God has a plan. While I do not doubt this for one minute, it's difficult to keep one's spirits up when you close your eyes & face the thoughts of the what-if's.
I'm slowly digging out of all this, but it's very overwhelming.
I still don't want to talk about it--too fresh. But thanks so much to you ALL for the thoughts, prayers & well wishes. We appreciate them all. A friend of mine keeps praying for a "hedge of protection" around son#2. I love that. That's all I want. Thank you to our friends and we appreciate the patience & perseverance you've had enduring this with us. He *is* making some good progress so I hope & pray 2012 is much better to our son.