So many of you have kept up with our family's ups and downs on Facebook,and it's been easier to keep family AND friends updated at once. But I'd like to return to my blog & try writing more often.
As of today, October 14, 2013, Son#2 is still at Camelot (Rose Rock) where he's been since the first week in August.
We received a visit from DHS again in our home last Wednesday evening. They said they needed to meet a week before court. The new permanent case worker says the problems right now lie with OK Healthcare Authority & Rose Rock saying we aren't participating enough in son#2's therapy.
We go to court next Tuesday but even if the judge recommends that we only have to go at the least, once a month to OKC, the OKHCAuthority, can still reject that. Even though they realize & understand that son#2's situation is one where it's permanent & not a rehab type situation.
They are son#2's insurance because he is disabled. When you are disabled, the state gives you their insurance. (which is good in our case because otherwise his meds would cost us around $2000 a month) So, since they are paying the bills, they have the final say in whether we are keeping involved enough in his treatment plan. They are trying to fit a square peg (that's us!) in a round hole. And in my opinion, essentially forcing our hand.
The main problem with that is, it's impossible for us as a family to mentally, physically & financially to go every single week to OKC for "therapy". Been there & done that for a year. Still dealing with some costs from that. That my friends, puts us between a rock & a hard place. Meaning the state would try & discharge son#2 from where he's at--the rock. This is THE only place within the state that meets all his needs. To keep him there at Rose Rock/Camelot---we either go once a week, OR we sign over/give up parental rights--the hard place. To keep our son safe & in the only place in the state equipped
for him, we may have to face the reality that we have to give up our
rights so that he can stay there.
We've been grappling with this for awhile, knowing it was a real possibility. The guilt, the mixed feelings, our other children, the anger, the tears that are constantly at the surface ready to bubble over. Knowing something is easier physically on your family as a whole, in no one cancels out your emotions & feelings of your heart & what you WANT to do.
There's so much we're already still working through with knowing we are settling into a routine without him here & that he won't be back here for the upcoming holidays. How do a mother & father sit down & logically talk out their feelings on giving up parental rights to their child when everything you did from the time you were pregnant, was to protect them & keep them safe?
We are trying to make arrangements to get down to OKC very, very soon so it buys son#2 some time at RRock & gets the insurance off our backs. Ideally, I'd go myself during the day once a month or so. But it's tricky. Nothing is ever as simple as just saying it. Car issues still in the picture for us & just timing. Also, fall break is this week. Anyway, all that to say of course we'd love your continued prayers for son#2 and his safety/happiness& contentment. But we also ask for some prayers for us, that God may give us wisdom to know what is right for our family. To help a mothers heart not break in two, no matter what the outcome.
Monday, October 14, 2013
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
The Next Step
Hello friends & family. It's been awhile since I've
given you an update on Carson's situation & plight to get him what
he needs. I will try to explain what's been going on, but bear with me. I've been putting this off
for a month or so. All this information has taken me months to collect & it's been in small bits & pieces around from different people. And to be honest, it's gut wrenching to even sit here & type it all out for you. We are in a very sensitive place right now sort of riddled with anxiety off & on as our minds fade in and out of distraction.
But it is easier to explain it one time & with a fluid train of thought. Also, if it seems I'm being vague--I am.
For reasons of protection that could come back on us. I'm trying to tread carefully since we are new to this situation & want to protect ourselves. Thank you for your patience as we've tried to explain blindly or politely changed the subject.
Tomorrow is D-day for us. Tomorrow, July 30th, 2013 is the day we are
supposed to pick Carson up. As in, he is supposed to come home.
Contrary to all that we hear,from people in positions to know or experts in this field, our research with actual people tells us that the special needs petition isn't really a form to fill out or a waiting list
to be listed on. It's us the parent, petitioning the court to place Carson in a facility on a full-time basis. To do this, we refuse to pick him up tomorrow.
The fact that we will refuse to pick him up, begins the process. The person we are in contact with, tells us this is the only way. Which is such a shame.
As much as I hate to say this, it will technically be us, abandoning Carson by our refusal to come get him.
The word hurts me so if you've used it around me lately & I've flinched, you can understand why.
I'll try to explain a little of why it has to be done this way.
In Oklahoma in 1964, Hissom Memorial Center was donated in Sand Springs for a home/institution for those with mental disabilities. They housed over 1200 patients. In the 80's a group called Homeward Bound brought a suit against the center in hopes of closing it down and placing patients into communities and integrating them into society as much as possible, contending it was more humane and much cheaper than institutionalization. Hissom closed in 1987. As in any establishment, I concede there were probably many issues that were wrong with Hissom & at the same time, many people/children that it helped benefit.
After it's closing, legislation was passed to prevent any child in Oklahoma from being permanently institutionalized. What this means for Carson is that until he's 18 yrs old, he would have to go to places like Rose Rock, and be there MAYBE a year, then checked out for 6 months & re-admitted when there was space. All the while, with the staff knowing, he isn't "cured" of his aggressive behavior & that most kids like Carson are just starting as they enter puberty.
What happens with the special needs petition is, we will call Shadow Mtn tomorrow morning---and by we I mean Matt--to let them know we will NOT be picking him up. Then they may possibly send a letter threatening us to pick him up or they'll call the police. We would then send THEM a letter detailing why we don't feel it's safe for our other children to pick Carson up & return him home. However long it takes DHS to become involved, they will be contacted & whenever they get to it, Carson will be moved to a new facility they've built in Tulsa for kids that are wards of the state. We've heard it's nice & he will be taken care of. Then we will go to court (hopefully avoiding arrest--God is good.) and explain why we can no longer have Carson at home for his safety or ours. They assign us to a DHS person & meanwhile Carson is in DHS custody, along with having a guardian ad litem--whom we already know God has chosen. Sources say, we do not need a lawyer for this, it's pretty informal, but you obviously CAN have one if you wish. We called one lawyer but he claimed to have invented the special needs petition & wanted a $2500 retainer to tell us anything. We'll be going this alone. As scary as it all is, our story has made it's way around Tulsa. We choose to trust & believe God has this one.
After a few more court dates, Carson will most likely return to Rose Rock in OKCity. And we will still retain visitation but will NOT have to attend weekly therapy sessions etc. Our rights as parents are still there but the burden of We will then EVERY 30 DAYS, return to court, to have his papers stamped with "discharged" and then we will be asked if anything has changed on our part--we say no. Then his papers are immediately re-stamped with "re-admitted". This is how the state gets around it's own law it's too lazy to change, which keeps Carson from remaining "permanently" in an institution. This will continue until he's 18 yrs old, we find a place in another state perhaps, or until I pester enough state officials to move money around & place him out of state.
As you can see Carson still needs prayers, we are more at peace but it's nerve wracking. The past months doing Tuesday therapies and playing this game with the therapist is more than I can get into right now but needless to say it was draining. Her asking if we're ready for him to come home & if we have all our papers for the special needs petition filled out. All the while she knows what that entails & so do we. It's like a dance that I am NOT good at. Fakeness & lying are two things I really despise. Anyway, please continue the encouragement & prayers for our entire family while we go through this difficult time.
given you an update on Carson's situation & plight to get him what
he needs. I will try to explain what's been going on, but bear with me. I've been putting this off
for a month or so. All this information has taken me months to collect & it's been in small bits & pieces around from different people. And to be honest, it's gut wrenching to even sit here & type it all out for you. We are in a very sensitive place right now sort of riddled with anxiety off & on as our minds fade in and out of distraction.
But it is easier to explain it one time & with a fluid train of thought. Also, if it seems I'm being vague--I am.
For reasons of protection that could come back on us. I'm trying to tread carefully since we are new to this situation & want to protect ourselves. Thank you for your patience as we've tried to explain blindly or politely changed the subject.
Tomorrow is D-day for us. Tomorrow, July 30th, 2013 is the day we are
supposed to pick Carson up. As in, he is supposed to come home.
Contrary to all that we hear,from people in positions to know or experts in this field, our research with actual people tells us that the special needs petition isn't really a form to fill out or a waiting list
to be listed on. It's us the parent, petitioning the court to place Carson in a facility on a full-time basis. To do this, we refuse to pick him up tomorrow.
The fact that we will refuse to pick him up, begins the process. The person we are in contact with, tells us this is the only way. Which is such a shame.
As much as I hate to say this, it will technically be us, abandoning Carson by our refusal to come get him.
The word hurts me so if you've used it around me lately & I've flinched, you can understand why.
I'll try to explain a little of why it has to be done this way.
In Oklahoma in 1964, Hissom Memorial Center was donated in Sand Springs for a home/institution for those with mental disabilities. They housed over 1200 patients. In the 80's a group called Homeward Bound brought a suit against the center in hopes of closing it down and placing patients into communities and integrating them into society as much as possible, contending it was more humane and much cheaper than institutionalization. Hissom closed in 1987. As in any establishment, I concede there were probably many issues that were wrong with Hissom & at the same time, many people/children that it helped benefit.
After it's closing, legislation was passed to prevent any child in Oklahoma from being permanently institutionalized. What this means for Carson is that until he's 18 yrs old, he would have to go to places like Rose Rock, and be there MAYBE a year, then checked out for 6 months & re-admitted when there was space. All the while, with the staff knowing, he isn't "cured" of his aggressive behavior & that most kids like Carson are just starting as they enter puberty.
What happens with the special needs petition is, we will call Shadow Mtn tomorrow morning---and by we I mean Matt--to let them know we will NOT be picking him up. Then they may possibly send a letter threatening us to pick him up or they'll call the police. We would then send THEM a letter detailing why we don't feel it's safe for our other children to pick Carson up & return him home. However long it takes DHS to become involved, they will be contacted & whenever they get to it, Carson will be moved to a new facility they've built in Tulsa for kids that are wards of the state. We've heard it's nice & he will be taken care of. Then we will go to court (hopefully avoiding arrest--God is good.) and explain why we can no longer have Carson at home for his safety or ours. They assign us to a DHS person & meanwhile Carson is in DHS custody, along with having a guardian ad litem--whom we already know God has chosen. Sources say, we do not need a lawyer for this, it's pretty informal, but you obviously CAN have one if you wish. We called one lawyer but he claimed to have invented the special needs petition & wanted a $2500 retainer to tell us anything. We'll be going this alone. As scary as it all is, our story has made it's way around Tulsa. We choose to trust & believe God has this one.
After a few more court dates, Carson will most likely return to Rose Rock in OKCity. And we will still retain visitation but will NOT have to attend weekly therapy sessions etc. Our rights as parents are still there but the burden of We will then EVERY 30 DAYS, return to court, to have his papers stamped with "discharged" and then we will be asked if anything has changed on our part--we say no. Then his papers are immediately re-stamped with "re-admitted". This is how the state gets around it's own law it's too lazy to change, which keeps Carson from remaining "permanently" in an institution. This will continue until he's 18 yrs old, we find a place in another state perhaps, or until I pester enough state officials to move money around & place him out of state.
As you can see Carson still needs prayers, we are more at peace but it's nerve wracking. The past months doing Tuesday therapies and playing this game with the therapist is more than I can get into right now but needless to say it was draining. Her asking if we're ready for him to come home & if we have all our papers for the special needs petition filled out. All the while she knows what that entails & so do we. It's like a dance that I am NOT good at. Fakeness & lying are two things I really despise. Anyway, please continue the encouragement & prayers for our entire family while we go through this difficult time.
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