Mark the Calendar! March 22, 2006!

I did it! 12 days after having a baby! This isn't bragging, it's just that good feeling that any girl knows. It doesn't have to be after having a baby like my occasion. It can be after losing a goal amount of weight, or just a really special occasion. It's that SURPRISE feeling we gals get when we get dressed for an event or day and you KNOW you look good. I was getting dressed to go back to the doctor of all places. Just a week ago I was depressed because my old jeans wouldn't fit yet. So today I tried them just to SEE, and they FIT!! I mean at this point anything without elastic is a major accomplishment! Funny thing is, a year ago this wasn't that big of a deal. I mean who cared I fit into this pair of jeans. I just wanted to be smaller! But funny thing how you start to miss a little thing like a pair of jeans. It's the uniform of the stay-at-home mom. The jeans. Now I feel more on my way to smaller...in theory. This just jumped started my losing weight right? (Surely that ice cream sundae in celebration doesn't sabotage that right??)

I jumped up & down & did the happy dance all around the room. I didn't have to lay on the bed to zip them, but I won't lie. There IS a roll that seems to escape the top still. But that just meant I changed my shirt to one that would cover it more aggressively. I felt like a million bucks. Didn't last too long, but it felt good. It had been awhile since I felt that good. (9months or more) But that surprise feeling of good self-esteem can last a good month if you're lucky!
Now before you start hating me, I'll insert a sidebar here for you-the jeans referenced to are a size 14. So don't think you've got got some skinny chick all excited about fitting back into her size 2 jeans.

Anyway, it's really too bad we can't bottle that feeling of elation that happens when you're surprised at something so wonderful. We could market it & give it to young girls so they have less self-esteem problems. OR, do they have more of those days than we do? Do we get less of these happy clappy times the older we get? Is that how it works? Is that why we all strive to maintain our youth?
Well, as of now, I'm just happy to bask in the glow of my wonderful day.
For tomorrow is laundry day & that means I'm back to square one...or duck walking around to stretch them back out so they'll fit.

To Drug or Not To Drug...(a lesson on birthing babies)

"But Miss Scarlett, I don't know nothing about birthing no babies!"
Butterfly McQueen-
Gone With the Wind

WARNING: This blog may contain GGT (Gross Girly Talk)
Having just given birth to my third child (and that IS pride you hear in my voice) I think I can speak on this subject with at least SOME authority. Of course I'm talking about the beloved Epidural. Now I've had two kids without so much as an asprin and then my third son was born a week ago today with an Epidural. I knew there'd be a difference & most likely a significant one that I liked the effects of. However, what I totally underestimated was the after effects.

When you have a baby the labor process is mostly slow & gradual. It's like warming your body up for a race. Contractions start out like cramps then increase gradually to aid in the squeezing out of the proverbial watermelon. After giving birth naturally you are tired of course & shaky but you almost get a jolt of adreniline. But, you HAVE been carrying a baby for 9 months & it DOES feel good to suddenly have that appendage removed from the front of your body. Just like as your mommy bump grows gradually, you slowly have to adjust to walking around front heavy. After birth, suddenly you aren't front heavy anymore. It's sort of a funny adjustment to make. You can bend over & tie your own shoes, you can shave your legs, paint your toenails & if your lucky stop dripping food on the front of your clothes.

After my first two natural births boy did I have that spurt of energy. I think I about gave my husband's grandmother a heart attack because I was going on a trip with them to a museum two days after giving birth. We went out to eat & walked around all day. I can't count how many times she kept asking me if I was okay & was I sure I didn't need to go lay down & rest. I laughed at it at the time, but now it reminds me how much older I am & how each time it seems to take the body longer to bounce back. I guess I'm saying that my body was tired, but able to function back to a certian level pretty quickly from before.

Now, that being said, there are the drugs I took this time. I'll admit upfront that a Benadryll will knock me out for DAYS. So I'm not really into that strong of drugs anyway.
This time I'm 6 yrs older than last time, I'm overweight & thought, "Hey! I deserve a break this time!" So I opted for the epidural, IF I got there in time. (last time I was there 26 min before baby was born-but that's a whole other story) This time I arrived at the hospital at 9pm on Thursday night & after checking & seeing I was at 1cm they gave me something to thin my cervix. (it was 80%) I loved the nurses but they did blow through about an average of three veins in each of my arms with IV's etc. (I do have pictures for those of you who wouldn't believe it if you didn't see it) Darling husband & I slept pretty well until about 5am when the dr had called & the nurse checked again. I was only at 5cm but they started my epidural. Then when the doctor got there at 7:15am or so, I was at a 9cm. I was SHOCKED to say the least. (So was he, but I warned them all, when I go, I go FAST!) I hadn't hardly been uncomfortable at all! And as soon as he got in & talked to us a bit, he just said okay, PUSH.

PUSH!? Already!? i admit I was really worried because I couldn't feel anything to tell me to push. I had no feeling in my belly down! How was I supposed to know what I was doing?
After a couple minutes of pushing they brought in new people & switched some stuff around & BOOM. This was it! I was supposed to REALLY push him out. I couldn't believe it wasn't going to take longer & better yet, I still couldn't feel anything! BONUS! He was born at 7:43am & weighed 7lbs 14 oz. He has big feet & hands & his fingers & toes go for miles! My son also like the last one, has a full head of hair. It's black & lays down just beautifully! He is a sight to behold.

Now, it was wonderful not to feel the pain. But I couldn't hold up my own legs to push. I couldn't help myself to the other bed they switched me to. I had to literally pick up my butt & move it myself. That was fun let me tell ya. I couldn't feel my legs or belly (although my belly did itch) for hours after that. That wasn't great when you're trying to empty your bladder every hour. (for those who don't know-labor makes you VERY thirsty) After my feeling came back all over I was pretty wiped out. Tired doesn't begin to describe it. I felt like I had run a race without warming up. I didn't feel the race, just the after-effects. UGH. It really was something to feel so crummy just all of the sudden after feeling nothing. I was really not expecting to feel so tired after the drugs wore off but I had NEVER thought (duh moment) that of course you may not feel it, but your body still does all the same stuff. So why WOULDN'T you feel it later? It's basically just putting off the inevitable.

Of course I know nothing about C-sections but I know quite a few people who have had them. I know the recoup time is still longer than either of mine.
Hopefully you didn't think I'd tell you what you should choose. I can only speak from what I know. I think it's all an individual decesion & it's not something for someone else to judge. I don't know that I love one way of birthing over the other. Natural or Epidural that is. Of course, birthing is like babies, they are all different. But I know either way, I now know what to expect & hopefully you do too. (assuming you didn't before)

Patients

I had the occasion to go my PCP (primary care physican-for those of you without HMO's) recently. Have you ever noticed how quickly you become acquainted or familiar with the other people in the waiting room with you??

It was about 2:15pm on a Friday afternoon. I was the only one in the waiting room except an older white haired lady in a wheel-chair & her son. Now her companion was wearing wrap-around Oakley sunglasses, long hair, trucker hat, jeans, biker boots & reading a working mothers magazine. Not someone I would usually think I'd have much in common with.

I sit down & it's relatively quiet as I'm resting my head & eyes. Then I start hearing birds whistling. Not even like the ones you hear walking to your car outside. The annoying cartoon ones, like from when we were little. Those chirpy, high-pitched, sickeningly sweet ones. (these duragative adjectives could come from the fact I was rather moody & sickly)
I look around & biker son has noticed this too. Turns out there's a little tv on down at the other end of the waiting room & it's on Woody Woodpecker. He was pretty quick to turn that off & I guess I wasn't the only grateful soul because some receptionist behind the glass stuck their heads out & thanked him too.

He was nice enough. The lady I'm assuming was his mother. They looked alike and he showed such patience with her. It would be all quiet & she'd ask something of him out of the blue about a family member & of course talking loudly the entire time. She'd mumble part of her words & he'd say, "What hon?" It was rather sweet. He even asked when my baby was due. Nice enough guy.
Some other older man came in to change an appointment & was giving them fits up front & biker son & I exchanged knowing looks.

The other day I had a baby doctor appointment & a couple ladies in the waiting room struck up a conversation with me as we women do. But it's so funny to me how quickly you'll tell pretty personal things to complete strangers. Stuff you don't even phone & tell all people related to you! You bond over the funniest situations when waiting for doctors. People you probably wouldn't normally call up or may not be in your social circle. People you'll never see again.

Isn't it weird how you can know someone a matter of minutes out of your life. You don't know their religion affiliation, their voting record or what they even do for a living. (well okay depending on how much time you spend in the waiting room you COULD know such things) But you bond. You wish them good luck as they head in before you, you exchange magazines, somtimes you share snacks out of your purse for their whiny, bratty children they've forgotten to leave at home. The waiting room is almost like it's own little community for a brief period of your life. There are the people you stare at in disbelief & those you really seem to understand. Maybe that's what makes it easier to share things with them or just be comfortable with them. That one thing you both for sure have in common, you'll never see each other again. I mean you're not exchanging phone numbers or addresses. (unless you're really weird) There's no pressure to put your best foot forward or be worried about what they think.
Sure you sit there & wonder about who they are or what they are doing there etc. But there is less judgement on everyone's part than in life.

Hmmm, maybe that's what's wrong with the leaders of the world. They don't have to wait for anything anymore. Because of their high-up positions, when do you think was the last time THEY waited in a room for 45 min, only to go back & be weighed and brought down a notch or two??
Maybe we should lock them all in a waiting room, throw in some old back issues of TIME & see what happens. Peace treaties may not be so far away if we throw in a couple whiney kids.

Thinking Out Loud...

I've been thinking about something that happened yesterday & thought I'd have a "thinking out loud" moment where you all could chime in on my random thoughts running in & out of my head.:)

I had what you might call a realization yesterday driving my son to school when he missed the bus. I thought I'd see what you all had to say on the subject. Maybe I was just in a dream state imagining things with this sinus infection in my head.
The youngest has taken a liking to an old Acapella tape of mine & so I play it to calm him down a lot. It's the "He Leadeth Me" album. (told you it was old) Of course those are mostly what I call "church songs" & oldies but goodies you hear less & less in services.
So, as we drove down the road, I hear my oldest son singing along with the tape. (yes it's so old it's a cassette tape) **Now, to clear this up, my sons haven't been to church on a regular basis in their lives because of their Autism. It's hit & miss for us & for years with the oldest, he'd balk at any NEW building & scream it down. When we do get to go, one or both of us is in the nursery or empty classroom because they aren't really nursery age & others don't know how to "babysit" them.**

Anyway, so he's singing along to the song "I'll Fly Away".
As many of you know the lyrics are:
"Some glad mornin' when this life is o'er, I'll fly away.
To a home on God's celestial shore, I'll fly away.
I'll fly away, oh glory, I'll fly away.

When I die, Hallelujah, by and by, I'll fly away.
Just a few more weary days and then, I'll fly away.
To a home where joy shall never end, I'll fly away.
I'll fly away, oh glory, I'll fly away.
When I die, Hallelujah, by and by."

Now, he is almost 8yrs old. It sort of hit me, maybe because my father just died, but it struck me nonetheless, that he was singing about dying & death.
He of course only knows that Papa isn't here anymore & has gone to be an angel in heaven. He has no concept of heaven because his maturity isn't at a point where he can comprehend that yet. He gets upset when his characters die in his Star Wars computer game. That's about the extent of his experience with dying until now.

What it made me stop & think about was that as a kid being raised in the church, I guess I knew about death & dying way before my puppy died or my favorite aunt ,etc. Maybe I didn't realize it then, but don't you think there was some comfort there just from having heard the word before?? (singing about it in church) As a comprehending adult you understand the comfort of knowing where your loved one is, but as kid, do you really understand?
Think about all the songs we sang in church growing up....aren't they mostly about getting our ultimate reward as Christians? Heaven!
Even as kids we're taught heaven is a happy, good place & so do we make that connection to dying through songs like this?

My son was singing lyrics that his little photographic memory had just memorized & stored. I know that. Could have been Mary Had a Little Lamb. But how startling it was to hear such words come out of his mouth. "When I die hallelujah by & by". Maybe it's his Autism, but he seems to be less threatened (for lack of a better word) by change if he's familiar with the word & has heard it or been told before hand about something. I guess we're all that way to an extent.

He HAS taken my dad's death really well. Doesn't ask or pretend not to know or understand. Yes with kids, there is a little bit of out of sight out of mind, but not this kid. He remembers EVERYTHING & recalls it when you least expect it. I'm even more convinced now that he understands more than the rest of us probably do.

SO I guess my question is, does being raised going to church & singing like songs make us BETTER prepared for understanding death & being "okay" with it??
** I'm going to go make another cup of coffee, ya'll talk amongst yourselves.;)

Sprinkles of OCD In My Life

Living with two Autistic children both at very different spots on the spectrum, means some interesting conversations & debates of power at our house.

My oldest son (will turn 8yrs old next month) is what is known as high-functioning but still did not talk until he was 4 yrs old.
My youngest son is 5 1/2 yrs now and displays more but not all of the classic Autistic symptoms. He still isn't forming sentences. His words he uses are on a 12 month old level or lower. At 55 lbs that's fun, let me tell ya.:)

This said, my oldest son is the one with more of the
Obsessive Complusive Disorder issues.
Most of the time I know as any parent of ANY child knows, to pick my battles.
Because of the Autism issues in our home, my husband's personality & the grace of God bestowed upon me, we're a pretty laid back household.
However, like any non-perfect person/mom, I get very frustrated by the millions of times a day I say "NO!" or "Don't sass me!".
We have all the same issues you have at your house with your kids, and then a few others sprinkled in.
I thought I'd let you see those "sprinkles" and maybe taste life at the "Smith" house.;)

Typical day of OCD & other Autistic moments: ***Please remember these happen EVERY day, rain or shine!**

*8 yr old has to say "Good Morning!" and be responded to in same manner before he can talk to you about anything else.
*He must help me make coffee-has to put in the filter in the basket, dump in the scoop of coffee, WATCH me add water, then LOOK into the water part to say it's "beautiful", then & only then can he turn it on.
He then gets spoon while I add sugar & creamer to my cup & when the coffee is done, he has to turn it off, and get a spoon full out of the cup, while I pour in coffee, then he can add his spoonful. And then the most important part, I must say (exact words) "Thank you for helping me make my coffee."
-sometimes Teddy Bear helps us & has to receive the same compliment!
*pack the exact same three things for lunch every day in 8 yr old's backpack
*every time the 8 yr old goes to restroom he has to count to 8 before he can flush the potty
*have the same routine to get on & off the bus (certian words & rituals that take about 5 min total)
* has to sit in the same spot on bus everyday
* only mommy can get him ON/OFF the bus-somtimes daddy can "help"
*must have mostly red colored items to drink out of, write with, or sit in
*if I log onto computer, he has to launch email & internet for me & gets VERY upset if he doesn't log onto my bulletin boards FOR me in a certian order of course
*if you give him a bath, must rinse hair 8 times before it's completed
*jackets & coats have to be zipped up to the TOP of the item & stay that way
* if going anywhere in the car there is a whole OCD routine of he has to be first one in the car, has to be buckled in before his brother, has to use "clicker" & push garage door opener at same time you start car, AFTER counting to 8
*certian toys ONLY go in the car & have to be present to even be MOVING in the car
*only certian french fries are acceptable to eat; in order of importance: McDonalds, Arbys & Carl's Jr.
*only Strawberry Starfruit & Strawberry Kiwi kool-aids are acceptable drinks-
unless it's lunch where Strawberry Kiwi Capri-Suns are allowed (and of course pop is always welcomed)
*bedtime holds a nice routine all it's own & thank goodness is more daddy's time-after tucking him in bed, daddy must kiss him on the lips & tummy (we're having a baby ) and then kiss Elmo & Teddy Bear is same manner. Then mommy gets kisses along with baby brother in my tummy.(where he got idea)
Then you have to say good-night to daddy over & over until he can't be seen anymore. Otherwise, you gotta come back & start over.

(sigh!) I know this sounds like indulging & quite honestly some of it is. There ARE times we be the parent & put our foot down & say "NO". But there are reasons to avoid "meltdowns" that result from not adhereing to the
OCD rules. And most of the time, it's all because we just don't have the energy to fight it. If you lived here, I bet you wouldn't either.
After all, everyone has a little sprinkle of OCD in them too.:)