Paparazzi

I'm sure we've all seen the clips on tv or online with different starlets and hunky men from television & movies. They are chased relentlessly by the paparazzi. They take their pictures are out on dates, trips to the store or out with their kids. Calling their name, wanting the picture that will get them the most money. I can't imagine being hassled like that or hounded until you have a car accident or just want to escape. The celebs wear wigs, sunglasses and try secluded spots to try & avoid the paparazzi.

I realize that being a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom) isn't exactly glam to a lot of people. Sometimes it's not to us either! There's diapers, accidents that don't even make it INTO the diapers, illness, tantrums, biting, pinching, scratching and of course crying jags (although some of those could be mine). Now there ARE several perks to the job though. Hugs, kisses & that little light in their eyes that comes alive when you walk in a room. Those are all the obvious ones, but did you know being a SAHM wins you your own groupies? Yes, that's right, I have my very own paparazzi. They follow me around wherever I go. I go out in the garage to do laundry, they are pounding on the door trying to get to me. (or perhaps it's the snacks I keep out there)
The bathroom--a shower means little hands reaching under the door or crying outside making me rush leaving soap in my hair so I can rush out & address my waiting "paps" in a towel.

Dinner is a huge event. I swear they can hear me open the fridge and they come running. They're like cats and the can opener! I'm beginning to wonder if they've used their allowance to go buy one of those Listen Up! hearing devices. Once they're in the kitchen with me it's all grabbing at my legs, swiping at food, pushing cups at me for refills, and asking when they can have this or that. They hound me until I can't take anymore, or I feed them. It's even worse when I try to go to the grocery store. I come back & there they are, waiting for me. I can barely get in the back door with the sacks & slap them up on the counter & there they are wanting me to pick them up like they haven't seen me in days, pulling at me to get them something (what's wrong with your dad's arms?) or digging through the sacks to see what I've brought them.

My paparazzi is relentless, annoying and has very sharp elbows. BUT, they're my biggest fans. They aren't going to sell my autograph on ebay, they don't want the "money shot" of me with no make-up, they just want me. I think I can dig that. Most days anyway.

Celebrations Assembly

Son#1 had an assembly coming up at school & he'd always backed out in the past. He practice all nice, but would never perform at the end in front of everyone. I told him I'd come to this one & he promptly told me then he'd sit with me & wouldn't sing. I told him I wasn't coming to see everyone else sing, just him. And that if he didn't perform, I wasn't going to go at all. I tried to bribe him with taking pictures for his scrapbook, no dice. Finally, the morning of the assembly (Tues-23rd) I said I'd take video if he'd get up there & sing. He readily agreed as long as I'd make it into a Quicktime movie for him to watch on the computer. (He loves it when we upload the videos from birthdays etc and he watches them over & over on the computer.) Son#1 also told me he'd stand up on stage, but just mouth the words. I can live with that.

I got to the school early enough with the baby in a stroller to get a good seat. And his class came in soon after. It was all 4th & 5th graders from the whole school. Then the rest of the school/teachers were all piled in the cafeteria to watch. The video doesn't even show HALF the kids on stage. I was really proud of him that he did it! And by that I mean stayed up there & sang or at least pretended too. You can tell he's sort of dancing along, even when there weren't hand movements or choreography. I think he was hamming it up for the camera personally. You'll notice my hand shakes in some of them. That was either, the baby messing with my arm, me laughing or my arm shaking from 15 straight minutes of holding my arm up in the air.

They did a couple small songs & I was thrilled that my camera batteries held out, thinking we were done. I put the camera away & one of my son's teachers offered to take the baby out for a stroll down the hallway to keep him occupied. That was wonderful! Then they handed out awards, which Son#1 did receive one for reading his books for the quarter. When I saw they were going to send a couple more songs, I KNEW I better run get that camera that was in the bottom of the stroller. I ran out into the hallway to get it, talked to some teachers a bit until a helper came out & told me I better hurry. Seems Son#1 wasn't allowing the music teacher to start those songs, until his mom came back with her camera. Sigh! I told you he was a ham!

In the curriculum from the state, the 3rd & 4th graders must learn the Pre-Amble to the Constitution & all states & their capitals. The principal was thrilled when the music teacher Mr. Childers taught it all to the kids in song form. I personally think this is brilliant, but then that's the only way I can remember all of Jesus apostles to be honest.

Enjoy the songs, and the "ants-in-my-pants" dance my son seems to have going on. He's in the bright blue shirt, front row, dead center. Bet they don't make THAT mistake twice. Eat your heart out Britney Spears !!

I recommend, I LOVE, Oklahoma, We the People & The Addams Family. Click here & scroll down.

I Love- http://s5.photobucket.com/albums/y162/JSwaim/The%20Fam/?action=view&current=Ilove.flv

Oklahoma- http://s5.photobucket.com/albums/y162/JSwaim/The%20Fam/?action=view&current=oklahoma.flv

We the People- http://s5.photobucket.com/albums/y162/JSwaim/The%20Fam/?action=view&current=wethepeople.flv

Addams Family- http://s5.photobucket.com/albums/y162/JSwaim/The%20Fam/?action=view&current=addamsfamily.flv

10th: aluminum, tin, diamond jewelry

Today, October 18, 2007 hubbo & I have been married 10 years. A DECADE!!!! In many ways it went by fast & it also doesn't seem like 10 years. Then, in other areas, we've gone through a lot for just ten years.

I take you to be my wedded wife.
I take you to meet my family who live far, far away in a state you've never been to. I take you on a trip back to our honemoon spot. I take you on a three day trip back home to see my mother one last time. I take you out to dinner when I can afford it & there's a babysitter. I take you for granted sometimes when I shouldn't.

To have and to hold,
To have some money. To hold your hand. To have some babies. To hold keys to a new house and a new car. To have common sense.

from this day forward, for better, for worse,
Moving. Jobs. Babies. Cancer. Moving. Friends. Branson. Weddings. Babies. Death. Respect.

for richer, for poorer,
Your job-through famine & feast-they understand the needs of our family and allow us to parent accordingly.

in sickness or in health,
Autism for two, your mother's cancer, a two-year-old's broken leg, two sets of tonsils, and my father.

to love and to cherish 'till death do us part.
The way you make me laugh out loud, even when I don't want to. You talking to me in the car and missing a turn. Your helpfullness with the house and all that's in it. Diaper duty and playing with the kids comes so naturally to you. Your selflessness and your endless patience with me and the children. Oh and your snoring.

And hereto I pledge you my faithfulness.
For many more decades, hubbo. Many more, so don't think you're going anywhere anytime soon.

Don't Squeeze The Charmin

I found a lump in my breast the month before my dad died, two months before my third baby was born. I went to the doctor & was relieved that I had a matching one on the other side. Apparently they were clogged ducts. Nothing exciting & I was too young to get a mammogram. At the time I had bigger things to worry about.

This years September's scrapbooking crop brought only three of us together. Friend R, a nurse-friend T, my Celiac (wheat allergy) friend & friend G, a really good friend & whose house we were at. Somehow with just a few of us, there was more talk than cropping, accompanied by lots of snacking. The conversation turned to Cancer & then breast Cancer. Turns out, Friend R had survived breast Cancer & I never knew. I knew she was strong & capable of many things, but I immediately had a new respect for her. Friend T did the breast Cancer walk here in Tulsa, in memory of several family members including her mother. And Friend G, well, she had found a lump once & had to go in to have it biopsied. It was benign.

A week later, I found a lump. The same lump. But this time, it was sore-very sore. I scheduled a doctor appointment for the next day & she told me to leave it alone for 2 weeks & not touch it. If it still hurts, come back & they'd do an ultrasound. That was rather surreal. I wasn't too worried. All the things I could Google about breast lumps & soreness didn't point to cancer. As a general rule, as if Cancer abides by rules, Cancer doesn't hurt. Okay then. Now the waiting begins. Two & a half MORE weeks of waiting to get my mammogram & ultrasound.

Today was the day. I went in at 1pm to the Tulsa Breast Cancer Center in the Natalie building, which is between the Warren & Kelley buildings. (all you Tulsa friends out there, go get squished) It was a packed waiting room of lots of old men. Finally the receptionist took pity on them & turned the TV from HGTV to CNN. They were a very fast & efficient staff. They'd call you back for paperwork questions, then dismiss you back to the waiting room. They had a huge nursing staff to take people back very quickly for mammograms. One husband tried to follow his wife back & the nurse politely told him no.

"No men allowed, I'm sorry sir."

"That's okay, I understand."

It was rather comforting to see that many husbands there in support of their wives.

After I was called back I was led to what looked like bathing suit dressing room. There were about ten rooms-five on each side-with chairs in between them. Your nurse-you had your own-ushered you back to an empty room that had a little straw purse hanging on the wall filled with deodorant & wipes. The wipes, she informed me, were to take off any anti-perspirant you were wearing. She said it shows up on the x-rays like little specks. I could happily tell her I wasn't wearing anti-persperant.

***I will take this time to offer up the brand of deodorant stick I use & why. When my mother-in-law found out she had breast cancer several years ago she had just had a mammogram in April & found her lump in October. She lived about two years after that. In that time, she researched & found lots of things that aid Cancer cells to keep forming or regenerating. But one of the things she found that was interesting (her doctor backed this up) is that most anti-persperant contains ALUMINUM as it's first & largest ingredient. And sweating is natural. It's good for your glands. Especially women's lymph glands under their arms. You need those glands to sweat the toxins out of your body. With anti-persperant, your body isn't allowed to sweat & therefore clogs up those glands. The smell your body gives off, is from the bacteria that grows on the toxins your body is getting rid of. This deodorant just kills that bacteria that smells.So, my husband & I use two different kinds of deodorant. This is what I use now: http://www.walgreens.com/store/product.jsp?id=prod396895&CATID=304733&skuid=sku396896&V=G&ec=frgl_wic&ci_src=17588969&ci_sku=sku396896

My husband uses this kind: http://www.walgreens.com/store/product.jsp?CATID=304733&navAction=jump&navCount=4&id=prod396875

It's a pretty easy thing to do, to help prevent cancer, and just be healthy, in my opinion. Especially for women.***

Okay, so back to the dressing room. I have to take off my shirt & bra, and put on a cape that snaps in the front. Then sit & read a magazine till it's my turn. There were all kinds of women there-old, middle-aged, and younger. I was the youngest one there. It's amazing how natural women try to make it seem that they are sitting there half-naked with sheets draped over them, full make-up, reading a magazine like they're at the hair salon. The next step is they take you into a room with the mammogram machine & take your info & start snapping pictures. I won't lie to you. It IS very odd to have another woman handle your breast & place it like a chicken cutlet on this VERY VERY COLD machine & proceed to talk in a very soothing voice. As she's talking & asking you questions, she's tightening this vice like you had in shop class, down onto your boob, er, breast I mean. (I hate the word breast. I think that stems back to singing that word in songs at church. Very unnatural.)

If it was a routine yearly exam I would have four films, two of each side. But in my "special" case, I got a whopping seven. SEVEN X-RAYS. I was in weird positions that I wasn't really sure were possible. I had no clue you could stand THAT far away from your own boob! She had sized & shaped attachments sort of like on your vacuum cleaner, she would stick on the machine & then tighten the vice down again while you're reaching with your arm up & over and trying to keep your hair out of the film.

I told her I was certain a man had invented the machine because the board where your boob, er breast, sits is STONE COLD. A woman would have had that done in heated marble I was sure. I'm finished & go back to the dressing room area. The funky colored pink chairs where we all sit & look at magazines and wait for the nurse to come & dismiss you with those very happy words, "You can go now Ms. X, you're fine." At least three of the women left with that phrase ringing in their ears, and then two with, "You can dress & leave now Ms. Y, you'll be receiving a letter in the mail in one week."

I was the only one left for a LONG time. I was still waiting for the ultrasound and then..."Ms. Z? You can dress & go. The doctor found nothing but fatty tissue on your x-rays. There's no need to do an ultrasound on your lump."

me: "Really? So I'm just fat & lumpy?"

nurse: "Yes, well, I mean, no. Sort of." (nervous laugh)

me: "But it's not anything serious right?"

nurse: "Right!"

She handed me a brochure on some things to cut out --caffeine-which I already did. And Vitamin E & Primrose Oil to add in. Oh, and the best part, no more mammograms till I'm 40 years old! I hurriedly dressed & raced home to share the news with hubbo. He was thrilled & did the touchdown sign. I was hoping for an end zone dance, but we didn't want to wake the baby.

So go get squished, it isn't that bad, if you don't have a painful lump.

Tidbits

New shoes on son #1 before the bus came today.
Here's how it went.

Son#1: "No, no, no! I don't WANT new shoes! I want my old ones!"

Mommy: "But you need new shoes, your old ones are wearing out & your toes are too long for those shoes."

Son#1 scrambles to remove his sock & look down at his toes. "But my toes don't LOOK too long."

Mommy: "Come on, these will be great, they are new, and white & pretty."

Son#1" Oh no! (he says dejectedly) These have strings!" (shoelaces)

Mommy: "Yeah, well, when you start wearing mens sized shoes, they really don't make many with velcro."

Time passes, the new shoes are worn, PBS kids becomes more important than the new shoes.

The new shoes for Son#2, won't go over his toes. He gets that from me. They are slip on shoes in an effort to help us ALL out since Son#2 does NOT keep his shoes on for long at all. By the time the bus pulls away from the curb in the mornings, his shoes & socks are already off. But he's smiling. He also gets that barefoot thing from me & I get it from my mom.



Son#1 had been thinking. He passes by me & spits out some soft-spoken little sentence that has nothing to do with anything--yet, still seems oddly important, I better listen again.


Son#1: "I wish Daddy had less sleep."


AH HA!!!! I've often thought that children purposely used that against us in parenting. It's some sort of covert operation they train for in utero. Then they go to some secret pre-school debriefing at a certian stage. They let us resume our sleep schedule & report all the tidbits of they've tortured out of us while we've wandered around for years sleep-deprived. I'm sure it's things like, what decible to whine at for "x" amount of time, to get us to give in on something we WERE once steadfast in refusing. Or maybe it's to wear us down until they see us in slow motion enough to figure out the ins & outs of reverse psychology. Kids DO pick up on things quickly. Whatever it is, I think Son#1 just let it slip that there's DEFINETLY a torture method our country abides by....SLEEP DEPRIVATION!!!! **


Anyway, so Son#1 wishes Daddy had less sleep huh??

Mommy: "Huh? What's that?"

Son#1: "I wish Daddy had less sleep so he'd walk around forgetting stuff & seeing things that weren't there." (said with a giggle)

Mommy: "I think he already does that sweetie. Now go get your backpack on, the bus is almost here."

I can't let on that I know what his reconnaissance mission is. I'm sure this has something to do Star Wars. I haven't figured it out yet, but Son#1 DOES have a rather wicked sense of humor.


**I meant by children. Please do not email me about our country & their stance on torture. If you do, I'll just be forced to send my non-sleeping 100 lb .child to your house for the week & see what he gets out of you.**

Now on a happy note, I leave you with a picture of Son#1's Star Wars Galaxy Heroes. He LOVES them & has a million. They are cheap, (2 in a pkg for $6) and make great gifts. If your kid likes Star Wars, new or old movies, they'll love them. I tried to pick some older SW characters you might recognize easily. Go ahead & see who can be the first to post the correct names of the hereos below & you'll win...well, let's be honest, nothing. Yes, it's that kind of blog.:)

Clue

Son #2 came home Friday early from school. He was having meltdowns he couldn't get under control. The weekend held more.This is the ugly side of Autism. Living with someone who can not talk is frustrating. 90% of the time, he can make his point, get his wants & needs expressed by taking your hand & leading you to the item, area or thing he wishes. The other 10% of the time, it's hell trying to figure out what he wants while he beats on his face, pinches his body all over making welts or runs his body into things in frustration. Sometimes there is pain. If you have a headache, you take an asprin. If your teeth hurt, you go to a dentist. For son#2, without words, there are hardly any signs to express at "2 years old" that your tummy hurts. The reason he is on medicine is because of the frustration that comes with non-verbal communication. He does not have that abilities to channel or control those frustrations & emotions. They overcome him & he acts out. Sometimes at us, mostly at himself. I understand completely. I may not know what he wants, but I get so frustrated from not knowing what's wrong, that I act out too. Autism is brutal some days. Those are the days you get looks. People stare. The grocery store is difficult, and church impossible. You become a detective following the clues. WHERE is he pinching? What area of his body? That is most likely what hurts. His belly? Gas? Constipation? How does he communicate that to us? He's walking on his very tip toes, that's the ultimate upset. He wails like a bale wolf, it pierces your eardrum & he hits his own jaws with his fists-HARD. His ears & cheeks are red like fire. Is that a clue it's his teeth? A cavity? A trip to the dentist will actually take place at a hospital most likely & he'll have to be put under to do any X-Rays, exams or anything else.

Those bad days are a guessing game. When you solve the puzzle--Son#2 did it, in the bathroom and constipation was the weapon used--it's a large victory.

A friend (thanks Tracey!) sent a video to me I want you to see & although, rap isn't really what many of you may like, watch & listen to the words please. This man's bio is as follows:
Sean Delaney is musician as well as a Direct Support Professional with the Special Needs Program in upstate New York. After spending several years working with adults with autism and other developmental disabilities, he felt compelled to speak to his generation. This song is a plea to his peers to open their eyes and encourage them to become more aware and involved with this rapidly growing population.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cSdfCN5ewHY