Good News & Bad

I realize it's been around Thanksgiving since the last update. 'Tis the season & all that jazz. Add in doctor & dentist appointments, holiday parties starting & regular things like church...well, not much time to sit down, much less blog.

Our time with son#2 the day before Thanksgiving was just wonderful. I couldn't have asked for anything other than another t-shirt. (He was wearing the same one he wore the last time we visited.) And he *did* have a new owie on his forehead.

He has made some progress with which we are so pleased with. We are stunned to see him work in therapy with a puzzle. Lolly asks him for each animal & varies it up in no particular order & son#2 can hand the piece to her. This may sound small but I assure you it isn't!
He can also put them back in the correct place as she calls them out.

The brothers truly enjoyed their time together.
Son#2 is also topped out on his ADHD meds. This is more good news because he is doing well on them. The school teacher he has emailed me that he can focus for much longer periods of time now & get things accomplished that are asked of him.
Even Lolly can get him to sit through a one-on-one therapy session for 20 minutes before he tries to get up.
However, this means he is currently taking/on four meds counting Zyrtek. And they seem in no hurry to remove that one for some reason either.

Lolly called last Wednesday for our weekly phone therapy session and told me the staff is reporting some crying spells son#2 is having. They are finding nothing to be the cause so they believe him to be missing us & depressed. THAT is heartbreaking. My stomach & heart both sank. They want to put him on an anti-depressant. I was immeditely skeptical. All I've read & seen in the news about these type of drugs in kids, seems to lead to bad end results. Like suicide attempts.
I had to give verbal consent but Lolly assured me that was a different branch of anti-depressants & the one they would use would be mild and he would be observed 24 hrs a day.
Maybe that bring more comfort if I knew they were totally responsible & trustworthy with things...like say, clothing.
Double edge sword---I don't want my baby crying & sad. To think he's having (hormones too) feelings of confusion, loneliness or sadness & can't express them almost breaks me. Some people try to tell me he wouldn't know he's away from us. He does. Believe me when I say some of his thought processes are behind in development but he DOES miss his family.
It *is* a sad thing being away from family & with strangers. It's not the warmest environment. But to trust there won't be a bad reaction like I've seen from him with meds in the past....there's the rub.
It boils down to trust. In God above all & that Camelot will indeed keep an eye on him. He's already trying to run his head into things. And they've kept that from going further, so I guess it's worth trying. The poor baby's been in a "hold" several times in the past few weeks. One time lasted 19 minutes. That just kills me to think of him on the floor, with people on top of him holding his down on his stomach until he calms down.
So I said yes to the anti-depressant. We'll see. Lolly calls tomorrow for an update. Been a rough week. I've barely gotten to talk to him on the phone. They either aren't answering the several times I call or he won't "talk" back to me.

And the bad of the bad news is, son#2 won't be able to be home for Christmas. I can't talk much more about that. I'm trying to keep busy so I don't have to think about it. Sure he doesn't know what day it is, but he'll see a lot of other kids leaving with their families on a pass. We just haven't worked up to that amount of time yet.

So:
Good---progress with ADHD med and it's working & learning his puzzles.
Bad---needs fifth drug, an anti-depressant & can't come home for Christmas.
So hug those kiddos--grown & small tight this Christmas. I'd never have thought a year ago that my nest would be minus one this holiday season.

Ten Things Thursday--Gobble, Gobble!!

Ten Things Thursday

1. I am so very thankful I got to spend yesterday with ALL of my family.

2. We always have weather on Thanksgiving that doesn't require scarves & snow boots. (Usually it's shorts.) As much as I adore winter weather, it's much easier to transport food, when you're not worried about killing yourself on the sidewalk.

3. This is the first Thanksgiving since we had only TWO chitlins and they were in highchairs, that Hubbo and I can sit down--SIT DOWN--to eat. We won't have to rush. Hubbo won't have to stand outside and feed son#2 standing up or share his food with him. And I don't have to rush around refilling son#3's plates. I might even talk to people. I am seriously thankful for this.

4. I am a very thankful that my children all have tender hearts & care about other people's feelings. Most of the time.

5. What good food my family can fix!! You have no idea how good my Grandma Bible's dressing is. And everyone has something that's their thing. I'm thankful that we all get to eat as much as we want today where I know in some places, some people don't get that luxury. I better eat extra today.

6. What cool people have taught my children over the years! We ran into Ms. Ann, the paraprofessional from son#1's elementary school days. She was so excited to see us and catch up with our family. I know there's no way every teacher can be as close to each student but I appreciate & am thankful those that have worked with our family, are.

7. I'm thankful we got to ride in more comfortable space to OKC yesterday & to Pryor today. Thanks to a friend who GAVE us a put-put car. It's a very well kept church lady car. I'll take it! No car payments--another thanksgiving! Saving moo-la right now is important while son#2 is away. I am sort of waiting for the other shoe to drop with the cost of Camelot. We all know castles ain't cheap!!

8. Sounds silly but I'm so happy the major stores decided to start Black Friday shopping at 10pm-Midnight. I'd rather just stay awake then get up at 4am.

9. I'm thankful for toys. Let's be honest. It makes traveling easier or keeping them out of my hair while I bake. Yay toys!!

10. While son#2 is away, the brothers are getting to have their own rooms/space. With them being 13-1/2 yrs old and 5-1/2 yrs old--I am GRATEFUL they are out from under each other. I've convinced myself they argue less now.

New Things, Good Things

New Things,Good Things

Lolly called today since we won't be there in person this week for therapy.
Her updates on son#2 were encouraging and she had some funny stuff to tell me.

Seems son#2 is getting good at putting his shoes on by himself & keeping them on for longer periods of time. (20 mins) Those who know us, know this was a big, big deal. And we're on the third pair of shoes since he's been down there. These are velcro and easier for him to figure out.

When trying to work with son#2, LaToya had been letting him slap her hand as in "Give me five!". But after a bit she started yanking her hand back so he'd miss, and son#2 thought this was hilarious. Then he figured he'd use his other hand to hold her hand still so he could hit it. After she started moving her whole arm back & after he had a giggle fit, son#2 used his other hand to hold her whole arm still so he could slap her hand. GREAT problem solving skills!! Now if we could just channel that into motivation to learn other things...like potty training.

We did get the "mood med" moved down from 8pm to 5pm. That's still progress I guess.
They are finding it easier to give him all the meds together---ADHD, the "mood med" and the Zyrtek. They mostly all have to be in food so I suppose I understand.
I suggested putting it in his afternoon snack but those are usually 100 calorie packs of crackers, chips or cookies so they can't mix the liquid/powder meds in.

Son#2 has had a few scratching aggression issues this week but no episodes requiring holds. WHEW! That makes Mama Bird happy.
He also hitting a good stage with the toileting process. Son#2 doesn't want any Pull-Ups on that are wet or anything else. He takes them off immediately. Which at least it's a closed campus & not in public, right?
It's the small things.

I had concerns that son#2 might get bored over the weekends, but they went to see the Smurf movie last weekend and this Sunday they have an outing so there can be a deep clean on his unit. I also inquired about getting son#2's cottage a therapy ball or two ($12 a piece) or a mini-trampoline ($35). Lolly said they could have the balls & may wait until it's too cold to do their Fit Walks outside. At least with the ball I could put his name on one in big letters so they couldn't loos that right?
She did mention they might pop them but I know how much son#2 loved his ball at home, so I'd love to see him have something he enjoys to occupy him on weekends especially. Lolly has to see about permission for the trampoline. Here's hoping!!
It sounds like to me that the past parents haven't been very involved and Camelot isn't used to having donations or people who help too much.
I'm looking forward to shaking things up a bit & puttin' some sunshine up in there! WHO'S WITH ME??!?!?!

Frustration

It's been an interesting, sort of stressful few weeks since I last blogged. I truly hesitate to use the word stressful, because on the scale of stress we've experienced, it's not really anywhere near the end of unbearable. So it's difficult for me to come up with the right answer when people ask how things are.
DO NOT GET ME WRONG, I appreciate so much people asking how son#2 is, but it's not a black & white answer. And we all know how much we love to hear "Fine", and go on.
So please be patient with me, if I stutter, stammer or look like a deer in the headlights when you ask for an update.


** Nov. 2 we started a new med--an ADHD med. It appears to have NOT given a bad reaction yet so we're very hopeful. Usually we see a bad reaction to meds right off the bat. He could really use the ability to focus so he is able to learn more of what they can offer at Camelot. So far we have no real progress because they are unable to really get him to focus or give attention to task.

**In our weekly therapy phone call early last week, Lolly mentioned that son#2's "mood med" is given at 8am & 8pm. Now, here at home, when he was doing so well on this "mood med", he was taking it per doctor's orders at 7:30am when he got up & at 2-3pm in the afternoon. You could tell when it was sort of wearing off. And in the mornings he was great about taking it with his orange juice first thing after he got up. So by the time we were getting dressed for school. he was cooperative.
According to Lolly they ONLY give meds at 8am & 8pm. Now, son#2 gets up around 7 or earlier in the morning & goes to bed around 7:30pm.

So I'm thinking, a) Why can't you give it to him in the afternoon because by 8pm he's in bed?! Who needs to be in a good mood in bed? b)Wouldn't it be easier on HIM (and you) if he gets it before he has a chance to get grumpy? and c) He can NOT be the only kid there that needs meds besides at 8am & 8pm. Personally I think this is their way of being lazy about meds. Now if the Dr. says it doesn't matter WHEN the meds build up in his system, I'll go along with it. But this smells of laziness to me--on the part of the nurses. I mean come on, this IS their job description. There's one for every cottage--what ARE they doing between 8am-8pm???

**They clipped son#2's nails & got one too close that bled for a very long time. They acted shocked he wouldn't let them stop the bleeding. I wasn't.
A few years ago, he found a green bean can in the kitchen trash & cut his finger on it. THAT was something of an ordeal. Scary. It bled for over an hour & we chased him around trying to put pressure on it & see how deep of a cut it was. He finally ended up in our bed where he sat still in the bedding long enough for the bleeding to stop. When we had called the EMT's, they had nothing to offer & didn't even approach him to look at it. They blew us off saying it happens a lot with kids & pop cans. By the time we got to the doctor the next day, it was too late for stitches.

Son#2 reopened the fingernail owie the next day & it bled all over again. Even though there's nothing I could have done, it stinks to not be there when your child hurts. Or bleeds. That weighs on me & stays on my mind awhile. He's a tough, tough kid, but he still gets scared.

**Like they had to put him in a "hold" the other day because he came in from outside (on one of our hotter days) and he'd been on a "Fit Walk" in a t-shirt, sweats & hoodie. He got into his room & couldn't get his clothes off fast enough & stripped down. Which he isn't allowed to do. So he got mad, they ended up taking him down to the ground. For a hold--they put him on his belly & one person lays across his arms& one across the legs & if necessary (if they'll headbutt the floor) they have someone hold their head still. He understandably freaked out. (I freaked out hearing this.) and was scared. They realized quickly (Thank goodness!) that son#2 didn't understand what he was supposed to do or not do, so they released him. A worker figured out it was too hot in the cottage & to him and they took care of getting him cooled down.
I had told them in the five hour check-in process the day he came, HE DOES NOT LIKE TO GET TOO HOT. It turns him into the Hulk. I think he gets this from me. And his "Hunger Monster" as Hubbo calls it.

**The other night I called SIX times. The calls are supposed to be kept between 6:30pm to 8pm. Well I called at 6:30--he was in the shower would I call back in ten minutes. Sure--I called back in 15 minutes.
"Ms. S, he's getting dressed, will you call back in ten minutes?"
Sure---called back in 15 minutes---no answer.
Called right back in case they couldn't get to the phone...no answer. Called in ten minutes, no answer. Waited five minutes, called again--no answer.
I stopped by 8pm because I knew he was in bed. THIS is what is frustrating. I can no longer get as many verbal updates from the actual people that take care of him, but when I do call to hear his voice, they don't pick up.

** We did meet son#2's teacher---he seems like a good egg. And he again mentioned our son's lack of focus. Which I told him, has been in the last 3 yrs. He used to have much more attention to things. But he is able to make him work for M&M's sometimes. Which is pretty much the only motivational leverage they all have. But always nice to meet somebody & be on the same page.

**When we visited last Friday night with son#2, we didn't get to see much of him. The therapy session didn't include him. But we did get several things taken care of with Lolly that we needed straightened out. However, we had an hour/half to visit with him afterwards. It can only be done in the cafeteria though. Which was NOT clean. The floor was a mine field of food. And son#2 saw we were there for dinner#2.
With no focus he paces around & doesn't want to sit & play with us. Not that there's much place to play, just tables/chairs. What we noticed were other families coming in & bringing laptops, dvd players and toys/snacks to entertain the kids for the hour and a half. We ended up with son#2 bored & wanting to walk/pace outside in the cold & then going to his cottage early. He knew it was time for snack/movie. But he doesn't get that we can't come in there with him. Very difficult to give up extra time with him, but we are learning.

We go visit this Wednesday the 23rd---and the brothers are going with us. We'll have therapy & then take him out to lunch. He doesn't get to come home for Thanksgiving.
And Christmas is still up in the air. I'm just hoping he's not too bored over the Thanksgiving weekend. I worry the most on the weekends because the staff seems less attentive & like they just don't keep them entertained as well.

So if you're the praying sort, I'd ask you pray for his care givers/staff---that they have patience, love & kindness towards him.
Pray Carson isn't bored, lonely or scared. And that he cooperates & is patient with his workers.
Pray the new "focus med" works & soon. Pray for us here at home that will miss that part of our family over the holiday weekend.
Thank you for caring. Really.

Halloween

Halloween was entirely too long this year. It needs to just forever be on a weekend night & be done with it. I'm too old to chase kids & do party stuff for days on end! What is this, college?! Don't they know my metabolism is not in the 20 yr old category anymore? And right on the heels of Red Ribbon week where each kid is wearing different from the other, every day of the ding dong week.

That said, the Fall Festival at church was great. HUGE turnout this year and what a lot of energy from the church members. I was completely impressed. I think it was a great outreach because I saw as many strangers as people I recognized. Son#3 had a friend come and they played till they dropped. While son#1 has impressed me with his completely normal (yet still literal) teenagery behavior. I went over to him to see if he was having a good time & he said:
"Please don't talk to me. I don't want to stand with you." *Sigh!* Yep, he's 13.

Halloween night was a bit sad for me, I felt a piece of our family puzzle was missing & it just wasn't as fun for me. But son#1 went as Darth Vader while son#2 went as a Jedi from the Light side of the Force.
They really enjoyed all parts of Halloween and son#1 even brought his own theme music around with him. *sigh!* That was a nice surprise Hubbo discovered when the first door opened. He did get compliments & we all probably secretly want our own theme music to play as we walk down the street.
*Note to self, back off the pumping up of his self-esteem.

Hubbo took them around the neighborhood Trick-Or-Treating while I stayed in (I lost my voice & have a sinus infection.)and called son#2 at Camelot.
Son#2 got to do Trunk or Treat at one of the director's church down the road. I believe it was the Holiness Tabernacle Baptist church so there may have possibly been some extra "ghosts" around.
For his costume Lolly said that they made t-shirts for the kids according to their personality.
One boy who likes to rip his shirts off (watched wrestling too much I imagine) got a green t-shirt that said: HULK.
Son#2 LOVES to sniff things. Lotion, soap, cleaner, etc. And heaven forbid you're chewing gum, put on smelly chapstick, have a mint in your mouth or his fav--just drank some coffee.
He has no personal space issues with takin' a big ol' whiff of your breath.
So his t-shirt they made said "Scratch & Sniff".
I miss that kid.

Thank goodness we don't have to dress up or do anything but EAT for the next holiday.

Trip Update

We got to go visit son#2 at "camp" this Saturday. And a 2 hr pass to take him to
lunch after "therapy".
**As a side note for the reader, I will refer to our mandatory trips to Rose Rock from here on out as "therapy".**
So far I've not found anything that's helping us or Carson in these sessions
yet. Sure we get information on his week or weeks, but it's nothing they couldn't
convey over the phone. So I'm not sure this constitutes REAL therapy yet.
I personally, pictured these as sessions we would be learning techniques for how
to handle situations that arise in the care & changes of caring for son#2. Not so far.

This week's "therapy" was spent mostly discussing a big bite son#2 incurred on
his right forearm after we left LAST Friday evening. It seems his roomate got
angry & bit him. When I saw it, it was a large softball sized green faded bruise. Lolly mentioned it as black the day she saw it. Now, we know how quickly things can happen with kids. It goes by in front of your face in slow motion &
you just can't get there in time. But for us not to be informed about it until
TUESDAY, got the mother hen in me up & running.

Turns out he and the roommate are supposed to both have 1:1 ratio of staff. So there SHOULD have been SOMEONE there to see it.If I understand it correctly, one of the boys staff (or both?) went to dinner without telling anyone else. Which left the boys alone. And although they took him to the nurse right away, it wasn't really reported. So we didn't get a call until Tuesday night.
Lolly (as I'm gonna call her) the therapist, said that someone DID get written up & higher ups took care of addressing the situation so it won't happen again.

Son#2's stuffy nose is a tad better but it's sad that they aren't listening to me on antihistamines interacting with his regular meds and making him angry. Like Hulk angry. So angry in fact, that he ran his head at the window Thursday night. He had a green goose egg when we saw him Saturday. *sigh!*
I've told the nurse in person when we checked him in & went through everything about meds & behavior with her. She even took notes. Then when we were there last Friday I told the same nurse in person again. She even made grunts that she understood. Yet she called me Thursday night while we were at the pumpkin patch and wondered why son#2 would be so aggressive out of the blue.
I'm beginning to think she's a visual learner that may need the PECS (picture exchange system) to get the message.
My sister-in-law told me we ought to make her a shirt that has instructions on it but with that being considered laundry, they'd probably just loose it.

Oh, on that issue of him not wearing his clothes & them not finding them, they were able to find them all after I sent an email asking how I was supposed to trust them with the care of my offspring if they couldn't even keep track of his clothes. Will wonders never cease!

We took son#2 to IHOP for a nice lunch & then to Wal-Mart to get a couple more long-sleeved shirts. He was a tad hyper and kept taking his shoes off. He even tried to run off in the parking lot & store.
The interesting part was when we go to take him on pass we have to strip him down for the nurse to write any bruises & marks down so they can tell what happens on who's shift of caring for him. And then when we return it's the same scenario but in addition to filing out paperwork about what we did & his behavior during the outing.
I told Hubbo this felt like jail. He joked when we brought him back that it was time to go get patted down to see if he had a shiv. (With his roommate the biter he may just need it! lol)

After two weekends back to back down there, we're looking forward to time at home this coming weekend & not being in the car as much.

**Thanks to the Updike family for watching sons#1 & 3 for us Saturday. And for waking yourselves at the butt crack of dawn to do it happily.**

Ten Things Tuesday

The visit & therapy with Carson went okay Friday evening. And we did enjoy our anniversary plans, but boy are we exhausted. Mentally & physically.
Some things about the visit & this past few days haven't been so great...usually I'm an upbeat person but today is about some dissatisfaction so please bear with me.
And since there is no Congressional committee (shocking since there's one for every other occasion) that cares about my grievances, you lucky few get to hear my complaints.

Ten Things I'm Currently Displeased About:

1. Son#2 was wearing someone else's pants when we got to visit him Friday night. A tad shocking considering there's only one kid as big as him.

2. Therapist was just as I had pictured her matching her voice. Young, unmarried, no kids & rather naive. I don't need Nancy Nice, I need Greta Go-Getter. And she tried to tell us son#2 only had two pairs of shorts! What?! When we checked him in, he had 7+ pairs. And every piece of clothing had a big white laundry tag ironed in with his first & last name on it. *sigh!*

3. We dropped off more pants, a hoodie and two hats I knitted for him---by Saturday night they couldn't find them. Or the bag they came in that I did not intend to leave.

4. Son#2 had the worst stuffed up nose I've ever heard when we were there Friday night. He even had some weird tic sniffing thing he was doing we've never seen. And with a deviated septum already, we're afraid that this summer's headbutting spree could have complicated that situation. It was sad at how little air he was getting. At one point we were afraid he would pass out. Seriously.
Give him a decongestant you say? I wish. They react with the meds he takes & make him angry.
He does seem to be better but it was bad there for awhile. He was so pitiful.

5. We aren't getting much information. Unless LaToya is there, we don't talk to anyone. They just leave the phone on speaker for son#2 to listen to us. Last night he was giggly which was nice but no one to ask what he had for dinner or how his day was. Boo!
It's like the left hand doesn't talk to the right hand. I'm not sure they are even attached to the same body at this point.

6. I got a call this afternoon from the nurse that son#2 had a big bruise on his right forearm. It apparently happened right after we left Friday night. His roomate got angry & bit him. No idea why. And no one caught it till yesterday--weekend staff--but they were too busy yesterday to call me & inform me about it.

7. The weekend staff that we met, although older than me, seems to be like having teenagers babysit. They don't want to get in trouble or do anything helpful, they just want to get their paycheck and go home. At least this is how "Upset Mommy" is viewing things today through angry eyes.

8. The therapist informed us Friday that we need one more in person meeting before the end of this month. That just leaves THIS weekend. Back to back is pretty hard. But since it was her boo-boo, she decided to offer to come in Saturday morning and let us do therapy then so Hubbo doesn't miss any work.
Then we *do* get our first pass with son#2 and get to take him to lunch for a couple of hours. THAT is going to be the highlight of my week!!

9. Okay, okay...I got all the negative out & I'm not a gonna leave on a sad note. I'm just not wired that way.
I'm SUPER thankful my awesome Moms could come & stay with the kids this whole weekend. She had fun but had to endure A LOT of games, puzzles & books with son#3. I think she was very glad to get home but enjoyed her time with us.
And I know both the kids did.

And a funny son#1 story...
10. When we took my Moms to lunch after church Sunday, we chose an authentic Mexican restaurant. We had to stop and get son#1 some fries from Carl's Jr. to take with him to eat. You can totally tell we didn't/don't get out often because this was his observation--thankfully whispered(albeit loudly) to me.
After seeing the waiters take our drink & food orders, he leans over to me & says, "Why is that guy acting Mexican?"

Happy Anniversary!

Today is our 14th wedding anniversary!! We have beaten some serious odds. The divorce rate for parents of Autistic children is 85%!!
No marriage is perfect because none of us have that privileged title individually. We're flawed humans just trying to make it work together. To me it feels good to have someone by your side, helping you fight, love & laugh through the hills & valleys. So good that sometimes you wanna strangle them in their sleep. (Did I say that out loud?)


Life is never easy for any one person and when you combine two people the baggage can sometimes overwhelm the union. For us it's all about having God guiding your decisions, family and friends to fall back on when you're not able to hold yourselves up, and being able to be yourself.
I don't have some secret key to making marriage work, I don't have really good advice other than be yourself. Be genuine and like yourself. Don't loose yourself. I think of it as we had security & confidence in ourselves when we were young & met, so if we keep that going, it's most likely attractive to the other person wouldn't you say? You give your husband time...you give your kids time & attention...why wouldn't God want you to give yourself that?

Anyway, we get to truly go out & celebrate our anniversary for the first time in double digit years. This Friday we leave for the City to go do family therapy with son#2 and then spend the night somewhere. To me it doesn't matter where as long as there's no dogs in my bed and no kids waking me up.
Dinner out & tickets to a local playhouse will round out the weekend Saturday. I can't tell you how excited we are to just be alone together for more than an hour!! It's the little things I'm tellin ya! Enjoy them & everything else is gravy.

Ten Things Tuesday

What? I can pretend. Shut up.

Ten Things I'm Thankful For Since We Have A Little Less Autism in the House:

10. I can leave everything unlocked!!!!!! Food,the fridge,cabinets,trash,cleaning products--the list is endless!!!!

9. We can eat when we're hungry & not on a scheduled plan. Not to mention the bonus of getting to leave dishes out or on the stove if I want & no one will play in it.

8. We can eat OUT as a family!!

7. My water bill is considerably lower & there's A LOT less laundry-towels/sheets. I need new towels though--after so much washing they look like someone tried to gnaw their way out of 'em.

6. I can have decorations out around the house & candles lit--for the first time EVER!

5. I have time to myself in my own house!! My thoughts get finished (most of the time) and I don't feel like a Tasmanian devil.

4. One less school to keep up with. Papers, meetings, special days & occasions, backpacks & snacks.

3.I can soap out in my bathroom & kitchen without the fear of someone eating it.

2.I can have my front door open to watch for the bus in the mornings & afternoons or just to watch for the mail.

1. And the number one reason I am thankful to have a little less Autism in my house is--Hiney wiping. It has been almost a month since I've wiped someone else's hiney. It makes me wanna cry.

Visiting Hours Are Over

We got to go up to the City & see son#2 last night!! I was like a kid waiting for Santa. The brothers were excited but they were at opposite ends of the spectrum on it. #3 was excited to see his brother & play with his toys. #1 was NOT excited about having to travel & leave the house (a.k.a computer) at all. I packed stuff for the kids since 2 hrs in the car each way is very new to them. Charged all our electronic devices & the portable dvd player and through in their favorite movies. I got some snacks, to go visit we leave so early, yet it falls right in the middle of dinnertime & to wait until after visitation is too late for the kids. And me.
Son#3 and I also worked on making cards for #2
to hang up on his wall of family pictures & such.


We need rain here so badly, and about half way there it started pouring. And it didn't stop until about the same point on the way home. Dry as a bone here at the house. Go figure.

We met son#2 in the cafeteria--we got there right at 6pm when visitation starts. We waited awhile because he was finishing up a shower after dinner.
But as soon as I saw him outside, I ran to him & the first thing he did was kiss me right on the mouth!!! My baby missed me!!!!!
He smiled and we went in to see everyone, who was already staring out the window because I'd been squealing like a school girl.

He was a little confused meeting in the cafeteria. Their days are so scheduled, he knew he'd already been there, eaten dinner & was supposed to be in his room. So like the son we know and love, he started his hunt for food.
But once he settled down & started chasing his little brother around & ignoring son#1, he was fine. He watched one of his favorite videos with son#3 and I could tell he had missed his Sesame Street peeps. He stared at that screen forever. I couldn't stop touching him. Hugging & leaning, loving & just snuggling him.

Son#2's personal assistant--"PA" (24/7 staff person that rotates out in shifts/days) is the same girl we met the first day-LaToya. So it was nice we could chat with her again & really get an idea of what's been going on. We've had phone calls of bruises & scratches--some explained, some not. As a mom, that's difficult being so far away. He's a boy,I get that bruises & scratches will happen--especially with this kid. But getting a call that your kid has a bruise on his cheek and you're so far away & no one can tell you HOW it happened...sucks rotten eggs. You feel helpless & a tiny bit like you failed because you didn't keep him safe. I'm still trying to understand with a personal assistant with you 24/7, how you have an unexplainable bruise. But when I saw him, saw it was all okay, he looked great, I could move on. The nightly phone calls are nice--when they remember.But, nothing beats seeing him in person!!

Leaving wasn't as difficult as I thought it'd be. For me or him. He was ready for meds & bed and I was just content to see him & know he's okay. There's something heart warming about knowing that he had fish nuggets, green beans,and macaroni & cheese for dinner and that he might get to go to the park today. Son#3 was the crier. He bawled & bawled that he didn't want to leave his brother. And he didn't get to go to see his room & play with his toys. It was cute.
It was a little bit of a stressful drive home with all the rain and the kids being tired & cranky in the backseat. However, to this mama, it was ALLLLLLLLLLLLL worth it. Totally.

Seasons Change

Hello again.
So much has changed since my last blog that I hardly know where to start.
After a very long & challenging summer with son#2, we were able to have prayers answered recently for his care.
He has struggled with some manic issues this summer and after trying FIVE different medicines, we ended up pretty bad violent outbursts for the whole month of August. It took the bad med two weeks to leave his system, but once we found the med that was "just right", it was smooth sailing.
However, it became glaringly obvious that son#2 needed some help with new habits. And his medicines dealt with in a controlled environment where we weren't left with six holes in the walls to repair & he didn't end up with two big black eyes. It was much more than we were sadly able to provide him with.

After much frustration at turning to people with supposed expert advise & resources, we met a brick wall. (When the local Autism Resource Center doesn't know where to point you, someone's not doing their job (RESOURCE center?)OR we have a truly unique individual that God has entrusted us with.
We believe God opens doors. And ours came in the form of a place ironically called Camelot.

At Camelot they didn't blink when I mentioned son#2's meds, his violent outbursts, his non-toileting issues, naked time or sensory affinity for poo. That's right, I said it. If that rankles your tail feathers you might as well stop reading now.
Camelot welcomed us, knew what to do with son#2, and had a plan of attack on all the above mentioned issues & more. Camelot even had an opening September 8th. That could only be God people!!!

So many questions. Camelot is a live in, residential treatment facility & so son#2 will have to live there 24/7 for anywhere from a few months, to a year or more.
I don't know that I could have been more scared & relieved all at the same time.
We went for an interview and then they got to know about son#2 and his issues.
They finally approved him and to boot, he gets one on one staff. That means wherever he goes he has one person that is his personal staff attendant.
Which it IS a full-time job keeping son#2's hands out of his pants. I'm sure he's not the only male with that problem...

I didn't have warm fuzzies about the place, but after checking around they seem to know their stuff & to be honest, the next closest place that takes non-verbal Autistic kids is Kansas.
Two hours to Oklahoma City doesn't look too bad.
Checking in took hours & hours. And we even had to inventory his stuff & put his name on all his clothes. Sounds like checking your parent into a nursing home doesn't it? You know they need the service & care they can provide. You know you've done all you can do, but still, to leave them there in someone else's care...
it's the hardest thing you've ever done. It is for me.

Son#2 is easily adjusting. He does love the Build-A-Bear bunny we got & recorded my voice on. He's sleeping with it & loves to push the mommy button over & over. His brothers helped "build" it. When it came to making a special wish for son#2, and kissing the heart, I found it so endearing son#1 was over to the side really talking to the little red heart. I hugged him & asked what he wished for his brother.
"To never come home so I can have my own room." *sigh!* That's a teenager for ya!
The brothers know he's away for a long time. To not let them think he was being sent away for bad behavior, we told them it was camp. And so they wouldn't want to go themselves, we said it was to learn potty training & how to keep his clothes on. The first day after he was gone, son#3 asked me as soon as he got off the bus, "Did you go get him yet?"

His workers & staff are literally arguing over who gets to be his one on one.
That's comforting. I pray daily no one abuses him, hurts him or looses their patience. That they keep him safe & healthy. And that he shows him on smart he is & learns some new habits.
He's taking lots of walks and keeps a tight schedule. The good news is they call almost every night. We get to be on speaker phone & hear him laugh and he looks intently at the phone when we talk. And sometimes hangs up on us or puts us on hold.

It's quite an adjustment. There's relief of the tension with which we're used to carrying in ourselves and there's also grief for me. Hubbo has a better time with the big picture. While MY head knows that & I'm a smart girl, my heart feels much differently about the situation.
I'm amazed by the workmanship God created in the human form! We can feel so many emotions that usually cancel one another out, yet all at the same time---andd my heart doesn't explode. At least not yet. Check back in with me next week.

In the meantime, if you pray, please say a little prayer for son#2 when you think of us. This is a challenge & while it is going to be a good thing for him & our family, they WILL be asking things of him he won't want to do---otherwise we would be doing them here.