The Yellow Brick Road

I recently got an email for my 15th year, high school reunion that will be held in my hometown this summer. I've never gone to one of my high school reunions. I've really tried to think back to why I haven't cared to go or participate and I think going away to college and hardly coming home, had a lot to do with it. The distance probably grew greater each year. Then my parents moved to Oklahoma and after college, Hubbo and I followed. We felt it only fair since I had their only grandchild. So here I am finding myself in Oklahoma, not having been back to Joplin, Missouri since 1999. I went back then, for one of my best friend's nursing school graduations. Getting the invitation to the class reunion I noticed the contact people were some old friends. It was nice to get in touch & catch up with everyone via email & phone calls but I did decide that wasn't going to be enough. I was really beginning to wonder how different it was or wasn't and what it looked like now. Saturday I took off for the day, to see old friends and old familiar places.

My first throw back memory was passing the town of Vinita on the highway. They have an interesting rest stop there I used to make my parents stop at each time we went through. Not many kids can say they've been to the McDonalds in the sky. With all glass on both sides, you can eat while watching the cars go by on the highway below. What kid wouldn't think that was a cool thing?

The trip didn't take as long as I remembered as a kid either. Even with construction I was making pretty good time. I did notice a lot of Illinois license plates out on the highway though. Now, I'm gonna assume you don't know where Joplin is, so I'll tell you-it's in the southwest corner. They call it the "Four State Area" down there because its where Kansas, Missouri, Oklahoma & Arkansas all meet & touch.

I was enjoying the view even though it was overcast until I realized I might possibly be going a little too leisurely. I saw two white-haired women with a folded up walker in the back window of their car, pass me and two semi trucks. And you know how you usually catch up with a car like that eventually & feel justified that you were not in fact going slow, they were just in some big hurry to get to the same stop light you're going to? Yeah, didn't happen. They smoked me & I never saw them again.

Once in Joplin, I met up with old friends. We laughed till we cried, we talked about anyone & everyone that we could remember and we ate at wonderful places with great food and atmosphere. It was fabulous to see "home" again and surprising to see what had changed. All the places I figured were gone & closed, were still there. And that was more shocking than the expected progress of the main strip of restaurants, the mall and stores. I never noticed we have a church on almost every corner, and I'm pretty sure there were not that many tattoo parlors when I was growing up. Joplin seemed more populated or at the least more vehicles & lanes of traffic to get stuck in.

I got to drop by my friends parents house & say hi. Although her mother tried to coerce us into our usual duet at the piano, I assured her my large lunch wasn't having any. It was striking to see how their house had changed, but the bathroom we got ready in to go many places, still held that note of hairspray in the air which was touching.

I was really disappointed that so much on Main street was let go, but that at least no one had bulldozed it yet. Spaghetti Red's was still there & open for business as well as the Pearl Brother's Tru-Value hardware store downtown. For some reason, those things made me happy. A little touch of Mayberry I guess. My house I grew up in got the award for most changed. A white church bus in the backyard gave it a quality my parents never could apparently. And I could see the tree I planted as a tiny switch (those of you unfamiliar with this term need to really be thankful) in the backyard, is now much taller than the house.

I think what I learned the most from my trip was the past is only the same in your mind. Even if I'd stayed in town to go to college, or come back to Joplin to live, it wouldn't have stayed the same town I grew up in or remembered. The town changes, the landscape changes and the people change. Life isn't what we think it'll be, it just goes on around us. I know this sounds obvious but it took awhile to sink in I think.

I don't know why I avoided going back for so long. Maybe I've learned to dread change. With my life dealing with the kids issues, we deal in a lot of gray areas around here. You can classify Autism many ways, but never does it fit into black or white. So we like to map out as much black & white for them & us as we can. It makes it easier on the kids & those of us who live in their chaotic world. I think going back to Joplin would have been a little harder to categorize. It's all gray for me now. Or maybe it's the same reason I don't go by my grandma's house every time I'm in town visiting my mom. In my mind, it looks the same as the last day I was in it. And I like it that way. I don't need that bubble being burst by visual of a dirty van parked outside and pink walls. Too much. That complicates the memory. And complicated memories aren't as comforting are they? In life we get all kinds of bubbles burst, so maybe trying to control some of that is normal. Maybe not, but it's the way I roll.

Confusingly for me, I have all the memories of that person that grew up in Joplin. The life where I was a kid, carefree & someone else made all the decisions. The responsibilities that come with being an adult can age you beyond the years you feel you are in actual years. My dilemma was how to merge my past person with my present self. Now I'm not sure I can. Maybe I'll just unlock that part of me when I'm in town.

My new reality of my hometown is, it's the same but it's different. Just like me.

Spring Break Me

Well it's been Spring Break here this week. The kids were out of school last Friday & go back this Monday. Does it make me a bad mommy to know the hour count on that?

Let's see if I can give you a run-down of the activities here at the House of Pain.
Son#1 & son #3 can NOT be in the same room without fighting with one another. Usually over a toy #1 thinks #3 shouldn't have, touch or breathe on. And if it's not that, it's #3 pushing #1's button. The power button to the tv that is. He knows #1 comes UNHINGED when he does that repeatedly. It's like someone snuck him a manual for "Top Ten Things to Annoy a Sibling 101". From a different room in the house they sound suprisingly like cats fighting and hissing at one another. I'm about to get a spray water bottle out for them here pretty soon.

Son#2 is still having some issues. He was melting down every day last week, which just isn't like our happy (properly medicated) #2 son. So when he started here this week it escalated. I think he misses school. He's inflicted some good scratches & gotten me good a few times across the neck too. He also went to the doctor last week. Apparently I'm not shrinking, which is good news that I won't have to start taking any calcium like that pill pushing Sally Field takes. However, it does mean son#2 has grown ONE INCH and A HALF since AUGUST. That is a lot people. He's now 4ft 7 inches and weighs 96 lbs. His height puts him well over the 98% percentile for his age group. The doctor was thinking he was 9 years old, till I reminded her he doesn't even turn 8 until this summer. I think gobsmacked might be the right word for what her face expressed. I'll take a picture soon of son#2 & myself alongside each other. He's gaining on me & I'd lay odd he's taller than me WAY before he hits puberty.

Son#2 also had a painful week because he's loosing and has lost a toenail. Apparently with his high pain threshold we never knew months ago that he had dropped something on his big toe & smashed the nail. Well, it seems it was loosening this week & he snagged it on something. (we do all nail cutting at night in this household--sensory issues & it seems to be a tradition in my husbands family) So #2's been hopping around the house, squealing & sqwaking at us if we bump him or come near it & really tried to hurt me when I thought a bath was a good idea. I've lost a toenail too, and I remember the pain, but I didn't bite anyone. I just wanted to kick them through a wall if they breathed on me. Needless to say, #2 is having a rough week which in turn results in a rough week for me. But the doctor like us, believes this growth spurt puts him in need for a new dose for meds. Which is what we're changing up so hopefully son#2 will be back to his happy self come Monday morning. I know I will be come 8:30am!

And then of course there's the car wreck hubbo was in Tuesday night. Tons of rain, many of you got the email I sent out about it so I'll make this the short version. Woman distracted in rain didn't notice him waiting to turn left, rear ends him/our car, and pushes him into the other oncoming lane. Good thing nothing was coming & a witness sitting on our street saw the entire thing. No one was hurt thank goodness, but our car is banged up, perhaps totaled. But how backwards is it that all the phone calls to insurance agencies, stress, hair pulling and the like, have to be made by US? We were NOT at fault, yet we miss hours out of our day/work, taking care of this? I think she should have to since the accident was her fault. She was apparently very upset at the thought of telling her husband. I feel like even THAT wasn't punishment enough for her. Especially for someone named Mindy who spells it M-E-N-D-I-E.

So Spring Break has just about broken me. I think I'll survive this last day. Matt's off tomorrow so I will tag him in after he sees the doctor. (he's starting to feel some whiplash) Hopefully, son#2 won't smell the weakness in him because I'm going to a movie!

Cigettes, Lice & Speeding

I've saved up some little son#1 tidbits to share. I'm also starting to think this Brainpopjr.com is waaaaay too smart for it's own good. First it's Presidents & the Civil War, now we're on to divorce, cigarrettes & lice!? Sigh!

Cigettes are cigarrettes. My son came excitedly off the bus awhile back telling me he had seen some stranger down the street, through the bus window with a cigette in his mouth. Not knowing WHAT he was talking about I was not as excited as he was or wanted me to be. I asked what a cigette was & he said, "Annie & Mobie say a cigette is a white stick with fire on the end. It's very bad for you."
me: "Okay, I see what you're saying now. Come on inside, we'll talk about it later."

son#1 "Okay, but I tried to yell through the window on the bus to tell the stranger with the cigette that it's bad for him, but he couldn't hear me. Shouldn't we go find him?"

me: "Uh no. No, not right now. Just get inside."

Later, he tells us at bedtime about how cigettes makes your lungs go from pink and healthy to black.

son#1 "Julie, did you know that if you smoke cigettes, your lungs will turn black like Darth Vaders?"

me: "Yes, I knew that. How do you know Darth Vader smoked cigettes though?"

son#1 "Well, remember he was on fire in Episode 3 on Mustifar and then his lungs were black & he had to have that box to talk?"

me: "Oh yeah, good point. Good night honey."

This morning, son#1 runs back to where I'm at in my room, telling me to come quick, there's two somethings outside. Now he mumbles and talks low, so it's always hard to hear him. Especially when he says something & sprints away in the middle of it. So I run out there thinking sons 2 & 3 have broken out & are roaming freely in the front yard. I had the storm door locked but the front door open. Nope, they're fine. But what son#1 is excitedly jumping up & down to show me, and pointing at repeatedly, is two "strangers" (our neighbors across the street) sitting on their front porch smoking cigarrettes. Nice. He's trying to open the front door while he's yelling,

"Hey strangers! Don't you know if you smoke those cigarrettes your lungs will turn black!? Strangers, over here, hey, don't smoke those cigarrettes, it's bad for you!"

I quickly shut the door & explained FIRST, we do NOT point at people. It's not polite. Then I gave the shortened version of some people make bad choices and one of those might be to smoke cigarrettes. We can't stop them or tell them it's bad for them, they are grownups, they know it's bad. And children are to NEVER smoke a cigarrette. It would make them sick.

son#1" Yeah, it sure is a bad choice to turn your lungs black."

So as a rule, if you didn't know, cigettes (which I think sounds much better than cigarrettes) are bad for you. And I don't think I'll be able to borrow a cup of sugar across the street for awhile.

Last month we're tucking in the boys to bed and son#1 always has something to say before we leave the room. Imagine that. I don't know WHERE he must get that talking thing he does. Anyway, so he is scratching his legs & all over his, head & his body. Part of this I assume is his dry Ezcema skin he's had since he was a baby and the other, well, he's almost 10 years old and hair is starting to appear on his legs. (that's a whole other blog) So his scratching is just making me think it's a sensory issue with the feeling of the air hitting his leg hairs or dry skin.
We start to leave the room and he says:

son#1: "You know, lice are parasites that live off of other plants or animals in order to survive. They may make your head tickle or itch. People should avoid scratching as much as possible. Scratching can lead to infections and worsen the problem."

me: "Why do you know this? (like I shouldn't have figured this one out already) And why are you telling me about lice?"

son#1: "I learned it from Annie & Mobie on Brainpopjr.com. And I think I have lice on me making my legs itch."

me: "NO-you don't. I promise. There are NO lice on you. Now stop scratching & go to bed."

son#1: "Lice live close to the scalp, where they feed on your bloods."

me: "You DO NOT have lice. Now stop scratching & go to sleep."

son#1: "Okay, good-night Julie"

me: "Good night baby."
(pause)
me: "Son, you didn't wear anyone's hat today or use their comb at school did you?"

So I think you can see just HOW educational brainpopjr IS to our children. All those discussions you may not know how to handle or what to say, let Annie & her robot Mobie tell them about divorce & using their friends hairbrush. Sigh!

Yesterday, son#1 was in the car while I was driving. He asked me if we can take the car to the 120 on the spedometer. I laughed and said no. This reminded me of going to my grandmothers house when I was little & an overpass we would travel on. I always wanted my dad to go "3-0" to see how many cars or trucks we'd "run over".
So anyway, son #1 says, why can't you go to 120? This is a good question. If your car is only by law allowed to go to 75mph or 80mph, WHY do they make it's capability for 120mph? This brought on a discussion about speed limits & the signs posted to tell you how fast you may go in certian areas. He watched me like a hawk all the way home. Then I heard a gasp at one point, I ask what is it. And he tells me:

son#1: "You went over the 40 that's the speed limit. Will the policeman take you to jail?"

me: "No, there's not a policeman here. He might stop me if I'm going more than two over the limit. Then he gives you a ticket and you have to pay a lot of money."

son#1: "And you have to say your sorry to him huh?"

me: "Yes that's right." (under my breath--"Among other things.")

Thanks Brainpopjr for turning my son into a cigarrette speed nazi! Sigh!

Men ARE From Mars & Women Just Do It Better

I can't say that with ten more years of marriage, I'd be any closer to understanding the way a man thinks. I heard it described as they have boxes they pull out & put back, one at a time in their brains. Where we women have jumble of wires in our brains that have everything connected to each other. Which might explain those sporadic shifts of conversation they think we pull out of nowhere. **Although I don't believe this explains Paula Abdul. I really have no clue what her problem is.**


Men & women deal with situations differently and also approach the problem from completely different angles. I'm throwing this out there because today when I went to get some eggs of the fridge to make son #3's birthday cake, THIS is what I found.
Do you see the scotch tape on the end!!?? Do you know what it's covering? A crack. When we brought these home Saturday, and hubbo was putting them up, there was one egg with a crack. I told him to gently leave it on top, I'd use it up in the next two days. I think his guy mind said, "No, I can fix this."
So this is how the male mind decides is the best, easiest fix to a cracked egg. Scotch tape. Not the way I personally would have approached it, but he gets points for inventiveness.
I guess I'm just lucky he didn't use duct tape huh?

A Review of Febuary & A Dash of Politics Thrown In

My oldest son brought home a journal of Febuary. I get the idea each day of the week in the month, the teacher passes out a page first thing in the morning with a primed sentence at the top for the kids to fill in as they see fit. Actually, there's a lot of lines so they can expand on the subject I guess. Being a boy who is very literal, has few subjects that interest him, makes it an interesting read to put it mildly. See if you can count how many times you would have said "DUH!" or "Here's your sign". Oh and I've already told you that he doesn't call me mom, just by my first name. I've underlined son#1's answers.


When the groundhog sees it's shadow it is sunny.

If I could fly a plane I would go to Arbys.

If animals could talk they would say thanks.

When I get money I will buy Lego Star Wars 3.

Abraham Lincoln was born.

Valentine's day is fun because I eat chips.

I get nervous at school when there is no chips.

I was mean to someone when I turn to the Dark Side.

Swimming is fun because it is not fun.

We celebrate George Washington's birthday because he was born.

At school I don't like to do handwriting.

I wish I had a panda. I also wish I had no school for weekdays.

If I lived underwater there would be fish.

My family always eats lunch.

When I have a problem I talk to Julie.

I get grouchy when I do handwriting.

My favorite song is Star Wars.

The best part of winter has been snow.

I want to write Valentine cards for Julie.

(and my favorite & last in the journal)

The President is supposed to talk to people.