Have you ever seen that fine line?

The one that's between love & death? I think I saw it this week. My father is dying as I write this. He has pulmonary fibrosis. It's been less than a year he's had the diagnosis & less then three weeks he's been getting substantially worse.
Now as of last night, he seems to have days to live.
It's been a lot to take in, let alone the past week & not knowing if it was days or weeks or months he'd live.
There have been many thoughts in my head, most selfish, some not.
But I've come to the conclusion with much help, that love & death aren't so far off from one another.

Have you ever loved someone and been cast aside by them? Pushed out of the relationship, not given any choice but them leaving? I was. It hurt but I remember the moment I started the recovery of being "dumped".
You can't make someone love you or stay with you in that relationship.
Oh, I think we all can say we gave it a good try. But essentially, it's all up to them, the dump-er.
A loved one dying can cause a lot of those same emotions to come out. You love them so much it hurts. You want to fix anything & everything possible. Something in your mind says you can make it all better, you just need to find out what IT is.

Then it happens. The realization, the dawning, that you can't. No matter how hard you try, you can't make them stay. And you can't will them to live or even want to. You aren't in control of that love or when it can leave you.
God has had control all along.

I think that's what helped most the past couple days. Figuring out that I've been through this before in another form. There isn't a handbook given out on the exact way to handle a parent dying. But knowing I had "play" to refer back to out of my life experience handbook, really makes it somehow a little eaiser.
It's essentially the same sick feeling of knowing no matter how much you wish it so, they aren't staying. So be in love enough with that person, to set them free.
Keep them in your heart forever, just realize you can't hang on. They won't.

I'm in love with my dad. He's the strongest man I've ever known. Yet I have to be the strongest I've ever been to turn around & let go. I don't want to, but I can't make him stay. And I realize now, all those emotions I couldn't understand or know what to do with, just feeling edgy & frantic about what DO I DO? That's what I was wanting more than anything. To fix IT.

Dying & love have a lot in common. The number one thing being, nothing's FAIR in either case.