His Window Will Open

I want to introduce you to my #2 son. His middle name means laughter & he is aptly named. He loves to laugh, tickle, sunggle & play. The term gentle giant applies to him. #2 son is rather large for his age. He is about 4 ft tall & his weight hovers around 70+ lbs. But he is SO loving. When given, his love is generous & fun. He'll offer kisses at rare times, but will usually extend a forehead, nose or lips for kisses. He likes the contact, the affection & happiness he gets from the love. Other times he'll be walking by & I can say, "Kisses?" And he'll make a u-turn he'll come back around to bestow some wonderful, rare, sugar on me. How can anything be better than that?

I should add that #2 son doesn't talk. Everyone we say that too seems to think that means he's mute. Far from it. He makes sounds, jabbers like a toddler learning to talk & tries on occasion to say "Mama" & "Dada". And if you listen really carefully at night when Daddy tucks him in& says "I love you", you hear a sound that resembles "love". The time he says it, the inflection he uses tells us, his smile, show he knows what it means & that he feels it. Yes, #2 is sort of trapped in his mind by his Autism. His words & thoughts are essentially behind this window that won't open. Someone has painted it shut. We see some of those thoughts, most of his emotions, but they are filtered through the glass of his window that keeps the sounds from reaching us.

Our middle son used to play with his toys & look at his books for hours on end. Entertained himself really. Until almost 2 years ago. Someone took the curtians down from that window. He figured out there's a world out there beyond himself & his things. #2 son became VERY curious & left nothing in our house unexplored. I could tell you many stories of climbing cabinets & picking locks all to discover the feeling of vaseline or Crisco all over one's self or powdered sugar & what it feels like to roll in it on the floor. He was in every sense a 60 lb. two year old. Sure he walked at 8 months old. But this was his first time to really LOOK at the world around him & realize he could interact with all those things. So now he'll walk by & lick the tv when one of his favorite characters is on. The tv that before held no real interest to him. Now he hears every little opening of doors, cabinets & especially the fridge. And he comes running. Food is fun. Food is entertaining & he has expanded his palette by leaps & bounds. He isn't afraid to touch anything or see what something tastes like. #2 loves the outdoors. Of course not being afraid of things means orally testing almost ANYTHING one comes in contact with, no matter how much stress is causes mommy & daddy.

Now #2 son is at the level of being bored with everything & wanting to be entertained. If you have or have raised a three-year-old you know this stage. He is just without the words to say, "Mommy I'm bored, there's nothing to do. Entertain me." In his mind he stands at his window seeing all that's out there to be had & wants to try it. That brought on the frustration. Our loving, affection, gentle giant became angry. It was gradual & had many contributing factors. New things were all around him. Starting school for the first time, mommy going to work a couple days a week, Papa & Nana taking care of him, a new baby coming & WAY less room on mommy's lap for snuggles. Frustration came in many forms but most often the screeching & fog horn wail we came to dread, knowing from that point on there wasn't much to be done. It came in scratches on himself & those of us trying to prevent them, bites to anyone within distance & pinches. Those tiny, little bitty pinches that make your eyes water.

After what was one of some of the hardest times in our lives, we put #2 son on medicine. We had resisted for as long as we could. It was no longer about us & our aversion to smothering their personalities with medicine. The bruises & marks were metaphorically there, from him running at his window, trying to get out. The hurt, the confusion, the sadness & most importantly the words, trying to get out. It became about safety & love of our third son that had just been born & not knowing how this one last obstacle would effect #2. There he sat at his window looking out at the world & how as one family member went away, a new one arrived. SO many changes for such a young mind to comprehend. And that young mind was so much younger than his beat up body.

Luckily we have an incredible doctor. The Lord has blessed #2 with something #1 didn't find for years. A doctor that "gets it". We've driven many miles, waited for appointments, and tried many things so that #2 would be somewhere he felt safe & more importantly was patiently understood. There were no pokes & prods that didn't absolutely HAVE to be done. There was such love at that office for our children & their needs. No stares of confusion or concern, just acceptance. And as a parent of Autistic children, that is a gold mine. We couldn't really ask for anything more. When our doctor left Pediatrics, she amazingly enough went into Behavior Management. Something we were needing at just that time. And to our astonishment, the first medicine we tried was "the one" for us & #2. #2 sits at his window now much happier. He's content to see it all & take it in. No longer frustrated with us or himself. He takes us by the hand & leads us to drinks, food & other things he may want or need.

So now #2 son is back to affection, his loving, happy, giggly self. He plays with #3, the baby. #2 really LOVES that baby so much. Has never hurt him. Not once. We are very careful but he has a bond. You can see it when you watch them on the floor together. The way they look at each other in the eyes. There's love and maybe some sort of connection & understanding we don't get yet. I do believe that God moves in a mysterious way, His wonders to perform. We work with #2 son with DVD's, word echoing, and we are making picture cards to try & help me communicate anything we might miss. His school this year is much better than last year & he seems to like it. He loves the bus & seems to enjoy the one little girl in his class much more the other boys. He IS a flirt & has been since he was little. He has the darkest brown/black eyes you'll ever see. His dimples & a smile that could win world peace.

The medicine, the love from us, family& friends, the new school & teachers, the maturity/growth he's gaining, are all chipping away at that paint sealing his window shut.
I see his eyes twinkle when we praise him for a correct word in context or a word said. I see his his reasoning & problem solving skills at work every day and it shows me how far he's coming. He's chipping away on the inside of his window too. Every day is one step closer to that paint being gone & my second son opening his window. I don't know when, but I know. But for now I wait. I clean, polish & shine that window waiting for the day it opens.