I've been thinking about something that happened yesterday & thought I'd have a "thinking out loud" moment where you all could chime in on my random thoughts running in & out of my head.:)
I had what you might call a realization yesterday driving my son to school when he missed the bus. I thought I'd see what you all had to say on the subject. Maybe I was just in a dream state imagining things with this sinus infection in my head.
The youngest has taken a liking to an old Acapella tape of mine & so I play it to calm him down a lot. It's the "He Leadeth Me" album. (told you it was old) Of course those are mostly what I call "church songs" & oldies but goodies you hear less & less in services.
So, as we drove down the road, I hear my oldest son singing along with the tape. (yes it's so old it's a cassette tape) **Now, to clear this up, my sons haven't been to church on a regular basis in their lives because of their Autism. It's hit & miss for us & for years with the oldest, he'd balk at any NEW building & scream it down. When we do get to go, one or both of us is in the nursery or empty classroom because they aren't really nursery age & others don't know how to "babysit" them.**
Anyway, so he's singing along to the song "I'll Fly Away".
As many of you know the lyrics are:
"Some glad mornin' when this life is o'er, I'll fly away.
To a home on God's celestial shore, I'll fly away.
I'll fly away, oh glory, I'll fly away.
When I die, Hallelujah, by and by, I'll fly away.
Just a few more weary days and then, I'll fly away.
To a home where joy shall never end, I'll fly away.
I'll fly away, oh glory, I'll fly away.
When I die, Hallelujah, by and by."
Now, he is almost 8yrs old. It sort of hit me, maybe because my father just died, but it struck me nonetheless, that he was singing about dying & death.
He of course only knows that Papa isn't here anymore & has gone to be an angel in heaven. He has no concept of heaven because his maturity isn't at a point where he can comprehend that yet. He gets upset when his characters die in his Star Wars computer game. That's about the extent of his experience with dying until now.
What it made me stop & think about was that as a kid being raised in the church, I guess I knew about death & dying way before my puppy died or my favorite aunt ,etc. Maybe I didn't realize it then, but don't you think there was some comfort there just from having heard the word before?? (singing about it in church) As a comprehending adult you understand the comfort of knowing where your loved one is, but as kid, do you really understand?
Think about all the songs we sang in church growing up....aren't they mostly about getting our ultimate reward as Christians? Heaven!
Even as kids we're taught heaven is a happy, good place & so do we make that connection to dying through songs like this?
My son was singing lyrics that his little photographic memory had just memorized & stored. I know that. Could have been Mary Had a Little Lamb. But how startling it was to hear such words come out of his mouth. "When I die hallelujah by & by". Maybe it's his Autism, but he seems to be less threatened (for lack of a better word) by change if he's familiar with the word & has heard it or been told before hand about something. I guess we're all that way to an extent.
He HAS taken my dad's death really well. Doesn't ask or pretend not to know or understand. Yes with kids, there is a little bit of out of sight out of mind, but not this kid. He remembers EVERYTHING & recalls it when you least expect it. I'm even more convinced now that he understands more than the rest of us probably do.
SO I guess my question is, does being raised going to church & singing like songs make us BETTER prepared for understanding death & being "okay" with it??
** I'm going to go make another cup of coffee, ya'll talk amongst yourselves.;)
3 comments:
How sweet--if I close my eyes I can just hear Jackson's little voice singing along with the music!
Hmmm...I'm thinking about your question. I think death is a wholly different experience when you are a Christian, one where tears are shed in sadness, but not despair, and hope lingers in the air even while you talk about missing the person, because you know that your separation from them is temporary. And even though young children don't yet understand fully the way in which Christ's blood accomplishes that saving work, I am convinced that they see our assurance and are assured themselves.
I think children with autism and Asperger are far more likely to take things at face value, to accept what we tell them about death and dying. In a sense, all children are born with this inner trust--it's only through unhappy experience that we learn to fear, to doubt, to disbelieve. Katie asked a lot of questions when her grandma died, and seemed at peace with the answers we gave.
So, to answer your question (and probably going off track a bit), I'd say YES--going to church and singing and talking openly about difficult subjects (not only death, but sin, sex, marriage, divorce--pretty much anything can be addressed if you tailor it appropriately for the child's age) does prepare a child better to face all of those things in his life.
When my children are teenagers, I want to have a strong history of speaking openly about anything and everything with them, so they'll know they can talk to me.
I totally agree with talking about anything so it's not so dreaded or taboo. I think that helps the parent AND the child at ANY age.
And hopefully it didn't come across that I thought my son understood all there is to about death & being saved.:)LOL He IS intelligent but not to that level yet.;)
I think it does help. There's still a pain at the parting on the earthly side, but there is also an innate understanding that the person is in a much better place. It certainly allows you to have some peace. Conversely, as a Christian it's that much tougher when you lose someone who was not saved; you realize just what an incredible loss it was eternally.
Children manage to have a razor-sharp perception about concepts that adults struggle with at times. Maybe that's why Jesus was so big on kids and admonished the adults to have their kind of faith.
My 2 cents.
-Lisa
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