New Hoop, Old Monkeys

Here we are a few weeks out from another court date, and new hoops are appearing to jump through.
According to our DHS worker, RoseRock won't provide proof an independent doctor has seen Carson or provide his medical records to her/us. They say she isn't entitled to that information. We have a court order they are failing to comply with---I called our lawyer & left a message hoping he will find someone in contempt & have the judge send them to jail. I have so many words for these people but my mama might be reading this so I'll refrain.
Oh and then, RoseRock is officially kicking son#2 out. The HineyHole Therapist has continued to fabricate Carson's progress to the OKHealthCareAuthority, that he is doing SO well, they want to discharge him ASAP.  In reality, HHT is done with my son and wants him gone. Master Manipulator.

Remember the waiting lists in OK & TX I've spoken about? 10 years in Texas and 8 years long here in OK? Those are for DDSD (Developmental Disability Services Dept). They get your child what he/she needs in-home or otherwise. That would be why we cannot just pick up and move to Texas.
However, when we did the Special Needs Petition with Carson, the state/DHS sees it as a more immediate need for those DDSD services. Therefore they bump him up on the 8 year waiting list.
So--RoseRock discharging Carson---GREAT thing. We need him out of that place for his own safety. BUT--there is nowhere else in the entire state to send him but Tahlequah/group home.
The group home in Tahlequah, only has one opening at the end of this month. Carson could get that spot, however, another child at RoseRock is in the EXACT same position & will be taking that spot.

When RoseRock says get out, and DHS/DDSD says there is nowhere else for this child to go (by the way, usually it's a shelter they kick them too but those are shutting down in OK as well), the STATE OF OKLAHOMA, will have to pony up it's very own dollar bills, to pay RoseRock to keep Carson there.
Now, you may ask--what is the difference on the state funded insurance of OKHealthCare for disabled people paying for Carson to be housed at RoseRock as opposed to the STATE of OK paying for Carson to be housed at RoseRock.
I don't have a clue. Not a one. But I'll tell you this...the STATE of OK approved to pay for RRock/Carson to stay---in less than 48 hours.
Amazing how quickly THAT money was freed up, huh????

I mean, what about all these poor kids in Dallas/San Antonio & God knows where else in the STATE of TX being snatched up and cut off from funding and sent "home"--back to the great state of Okla-sucking-homa????? Texas is terribly disgusted and disillusioned with if ever to trust the STATE of OK again. They can't believe the flippant way the state is treating the continued care of vulnerable kids from their state. Brace yourself, I'm going to yell...

THE ENTIRE REASON THESE KIDS ARE IN TEXAS IS BECAUSE OKLAHOMA HAS NOTHING TO PROVIDE THEM WITH FOR CARE!!!! SO TAKE THEM OUT OF THE ONLY HOME THEY'VE REALLY EVER KNOWN, AND SEND THEM BACK....SEND THEM BACK TO WHAT EXACTLY????? WHAT IS YOUR PLAN HERE OKLAHOMA HEALTH CARE AUTHORITY????????????????
HOPE THEY GET LOST BETWEEN TEXAS AND THE OKLAHOMA STATE LINE???  HOW ON EARTH ARE YOU GOING TO HOUSE/FEED/PAY PEOPLE TO TAKE CARE OF THESE KIDS/YOUNG ADULTS NOW??? YOU THINK YOU'LL SAVE MONEY RENTING HOUSES & STICKING THEM IN THERE??

Don't quote me on this--but a little birdie told me the government has provided OK with money that they have misused---I'm shocked, aren't you? And so either that money was providing for these kids and it's now gone/been yanked away after misuse OR because that money is gone, the state is making up for the deficit in other areas and squeeze these kids money/fund till it squeals.

So, our State Congress has adjourned for a few weeks, and I have some meetings I'm trying to get in the works to where hopefully I'll get to ask for some of that newly budgeted money to go for my child to get care SOMEWHERE ELSE. And if not, I will be at every news station in town, online, talking to any reporter that will listen, I don't care if it's a sports reporter--until someone makes this happen for Carson & guarantees me and THE STATE of TX that his money won't be yanked.

The DHS worker called & let me know yesterday that there will be a meeting here in Tulsa soon with DHS/DDSD/me and told me to be prepared that DDSD will be asking if they brought Carson home & provided a 12 hr shift person to stay with him---would we let him come home.
I find this harder than probably a lot of questions to answer. The answer is no. There are so many things I could go into of why. And I could write on & on about my mommy soul wanting him with me, to take care of him myself---but here isn't good enough for Carson. Not anymore. It's a fact. He isn't happy here. So I'm thinking on my response wording for the meeting.

So here we are, new hoop, same old monkeys. If your thing is to send out good, positive vibes, energy, gamma rays to HHT, or just love--I'm open & receiving Sister Sunshine! If your thing is praying, I'm open to it Brotha!
Bring it on for Carson!!  You have been troopers that have continued to care, not been afraid to ask, and continued to pray for my child---nothing I can ever say or do, repays that but from the bottom of my mommy soul I thank you.
If you do pray and you've seen how deeply I believe prayers have worked on Carson's behalf so far--then keep it up.
Pray for his safety first & foremost. It terrifies me more & more.
Pray for kindness from his workers & staff that surround him daily.
Pray for the kid that gets to move out & pray for the kids still left there at RoseRock with no other place to go. God bless them & put His hand on them.
Pray for open eyes & hearts as this new hoop develops and what it will mean for Carson. It could just be the gateway to Texas swinging open. Good Lord almighty, I pray that's true.
Pray for those kids--many non-verbal--being picked up & moved from TX to wherever the next place is. I pray it's safe & one day they can return.
Pray for the right people to be in the right place for me to meet with along the next few weeks, so that hearts & the State of OK's budget is opened and Carson can be moved and make the path a lot easier on kids behind him.
Pray I get to make my case in front of those that can help. And make it loudly.
And please pray that this is resolved soon. The waiting, the hanging on by my fingernails is getting to be a lot. At this rate I need a major manicure.

No Matter How They Toss the Dice

I went to see son#2 today with our DHS worker. There were some interesting developments.
She is really going to be promoted--5 months after the fact--starting June 1.
Her supervisor will take over Carson's case & she will still be available for me to contact if need be. Breaking in someone new on your team. Bringing them up to speed --never the most fun of jobs.
Also, us going together was a stand up to the hiney hole therapist--which I thought went well. He was quite polite & nice to us both. But afterwards, she told me that on her last visit---she had needed to cancel. She emailed AND left him a voicemail that her co-worker was coming instead. Turned out to be her supervisor. Well, when Ms.DHS Supervisor got there to see Carson, no one was at the front desk. So she found someone in an office & asked them to page Mr. Hiney Hole Therapist.
This person did. On speaker phone. And apparently, Mr. HHT proceeded to rant & rave about how she couldn't just DROP in and that he was so sick of this situation etc.
Which being on speaker phone, allowed Ms. DHS Supervisor to hear every last word.
Mr. HHT was then informed that, in fact, that IS what DHS does. Drop in. To your home, to your institution. So--take care of your business & shut your pie hole.
Our DHS worker feels this has led to a better attitude displayed today by Mr. Hiney Hole Therapist.
I concur.

DHS worker says DDSD has some group home openings this summer--maybe July--for some kids aging out where Carson could take their spot. She did not say where they were. They need RR to provide a psych evaluation & a full medical eval.
Mr. Therapist is a flip flopper who will say one thing like, "Well, we can't possibly schedule that psych eval quickly. It takes time. Last time it took months to get one done."
Wait 1-2 minutes----"You can move Carson maybe in July? Well, our doctor who does those can probably get here in a week or two. I'll call him today."

"Carson bites his own arms. We've seen him do it." says HHT.
Wait 1-2 minutes---"A new kid has bit Carson & even hit his back. So see he isn't hurting him back, he's not aggressive & can go home." Umm do you realize you've told me you WATCHED someone hurt my kid and that he was bit by someone else???? You idiot. You have told me things you probably shouldn't have, in your hurry to prove yourself right. And I won't ever believe Carson is biting his own arms, until you show me footage.

"Carson keeps peeing in the chair in my office. He doesn't seem to want to potty train."
Again...1-2 minutes--"No Carson isn't wearing diapers. We are just using underwear on him. That's how we're potty training him." says Mr. Therapist. Pretty sure he's peeing your chair because you don't have a diaper on him genius.

 Umm yeah I'm not too convinced he's a grown up to be honest with you. He's so quick to say everything isn't his fault or his responsibility, he can't even see he's sinking his own battleship. His ego is such that he cannot even grasp what to do with Carson since he can't sit down & do group therapy with him. What I wouldn't give to see him in the court room with me. Or a dark alley.

We go back to court in early June, so we'll see what happens between now & then. I have some things still in the works for Texas. Some meetings still on the horizon & some people still working for Carson & I. I have not given up, nor do I plan to. I hate to see Carson moved several times--the stress will not be good to him. But if they need to do this to exhaust all avenues, I won't be able to stop them.
I don't know that I showed you his arms from last time---but the judge court ordered an independent doctor to see Carson. Rose Rock informed DHS worker that they had already done that.
And that he was on two weeks of antibiotics. DHS worker asked for documentation to back that up, and RR did not provide that. DHS worker has sent for new court order for ALL Carson's medical records for while he's been there to be sent to her/copied. They are supposedly working on that.
So tomorrow Mr. Lawyer will be emailed to get on the case of why we can't follow a judge's court order. The judge may not have a lot of say---but you WILL obey what she has the power to order you to do. I personally hope they push her. I'd like to see what happens. Just for kicks & giggles.

Things aren't done, but I feel this new holding pattern isn't going to be this way long. Things will be moving & changing soon. I can feel it in my mommy heart. I'm biding my time.
So I wait. Waiting on the Lord. Renewing my strength so I can mount up on wings like eagles.

But, I leave you with a confession--I have never seen a resemblance between Carson and  I. I always assumed he looked like someone on my biological side. He's so handsome. So different than the other two with his dark skin and almost black eyes.
But while looking through some old pictures, I saw it. The first & only time. We both love to laugh.
And yet we both can be so very serious. You just have to be around enough to see that side of us.

"Me and you. You and me. No matter how they toss the dice. It had to be. The only one for me is you. And you for me. So happy together."

I love those words to that song. You and me. Me and you.
It was always going to be Carson and I.  Always.
There was a plan at work long before I ever dreamed he existed.
When I saw him today, he hugged me for a very long time. Wouldn't let go.
Oh my word did I need that hug.
It was like time stood still in that hug and all the worry I'd been holding inside. All the stress that my chiropractor says I carry in my shoulders--it all melted away.
Carson and I both run hot. We have very warm skin. We always have. It was like our hug just boiled everything down to the basics--I love you. You love me. We can't be together. I hurt. You hurt. I wish this wasn't happening. Me too. I love you. I love you more.
We said all that. Like we always do--without any words.